Family, Stories I Share

The Blessing of Unity

When my Uncle Floyd passed in 2020, I received the chance to make new memories with my brother. We spent more time together than we had since he drove me to graduate school in 1978.

Due to Covid-19, my brother and I were the only family members at the funeral. Aside from a model train set, we were also the only heirs. As we went through Uncle Floyd’s possessions, we shared memories, perspectives, and generosity.

My brother identified my grandfather’s sacred M&M dish. (My grandfather never shared.) My brother admitted he snuck them. “The clank of that lid was loud,” he said. Law-abiding Mollie was shocked.

We laughed over an 18-inch Santa in a sealed box. “I guess one night Uncle Floyd turned on QVC and thought, ‘Perhaps I should order that Santa,’” my brother said.

I treasured our unity. He took the Santa. I took the M&Ms dish. He transported my choices that I couldn’t take on the plane—cast-iron skillets, handmade quilts, and my Aunt Margie’s 1928 toddler’s chair. We agreed on items to give to give non-heirs. We didn’t argue over anything.

Behold how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity! Psalm 133:1(ESV)

Relationships

Secret Sorrows

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Longfellow’s words reminded me of a member of our church, whom I barely knew. She gave me the cold stare whenever she passed. What had I done? I didn’t dare ask.

Eventually, we were in the same Bible study. She was cordial, but there was no warmth. One Sunday, I decided to probe. Had I offended her? No. She was surprised by my question, and yet not. Another church member had recently asked the same question.

She wondered,

What does my face show if people think I am mad at them?

Longfellow’s words also reminded me of something my brother told me when he entered high school the Fall after I graduated. Someone said,

Oh, you’re the brother of that unfriendly girl.

Back then, I was shocked. I had friends, but I wanted more. Perhaps, my shyness was misinterpreted? Now, I think it was my sadness. I had too many responsibilities and concerns with little support during my high school years.

Perhaps you know someone who is sad?

Friendship, God's Faithfulness

Walking Each Other Home Pt.2

When all is said and done, we’re really just all walking each other home.

Ram Dass

Regardless of your opinion of Ram Dass, these words are worth considering. I’ve done it before (see here), and I did it again after the cancer diagnosis of my friend Tina. We thought the walk would be longer and slower than it was—ending in three to five years instead of last month. (See here.)

How did we find our way through the tears?

Jesus wept.

John 11:35 (ESV)

How did we find our way when God felt far off?

My God, my God why have you forsaken me?

Matthew 26:47b (ESV)

How did we find our way through our frailties?

A bruised reed he will not break and a faintly burning wick he will not quench.

Isaiah 42:3a (ESV)

How did we find our way when we needed hope?

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end.

Lamentations 3:22 (ESV)

How did we find our way when the end seemed too soon?

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;

Psalm 138:8 (ESV)

Scriptures guided us until Tina was safely home.

Whom are you walking home?

Parenting

Prayers I Should Have Prayed

I always prayed my children would stay close to each other when they were adults. I never prayed they would stay close to me. I wrongly assumed it.

A Mother

My friend’s words spoke to me. As estrangement from parents becomes common among millennials, my and my friends’ assumptions about adult relationships with our children are challenged.

My friends and I prayed diligently for our children’s salvation, friends, jobs, health, education, and future spouses, but there were gaps. We prayed for particulars and overlooked larger issues. We prayed for major concerns and overlooked important details.

We looked at the older families around us and said, “We and our children are different.”

These days, when I read Ephesians 6:18, “Keep alert with all perseverance” are the words that stand out to me.

Praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end, keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints.

Ephesians 6:18

Homeschooling

Did I Homeschool Because I Was A Homeschooler?

“We sin because we are sinners; we are not sinners because we sin.

John Phillips 1969

As I thought about the truth of Phillips’ statement, I realized there are many corollaries.

Artists are not artists because they create. Artists create because they are artists. Singers must sing. Writers must write. Teachers must teach.

Was I a homeschooler because I homeschooled my children or did I homeschool my children because, in my heart, I was a homeschooler?

That distinction led me to understand why some parents homeschool with passion while others do their duty. (Students learn under both.)

I think the distinction matters most when making decisions. Did I continue to homeschool year after year because I was a homeschooler? While being a homeschooler at heart may give more passion, does it perhaps make it harder to let go when the time is over?

Which are you? Just wondering.