Parenting | 100 Words

Our Children’s Memories

January 4th, 2025
Mollie T. Cox

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.
Dr. Seuss

My husband and I have spent a lot of time with our children. We’ve said a lot of things to them as well. Which activities and words were important? According to Dr. Seuss, the moments my children remembered.

Unfortunately, those moments are not always the ones I remember. These days, I’m surprised when my memories coincide with my sons’ memories.

“I don’t remember that” was my mother’s worse response to my vivid recollections. I vowed that I would remember what my children shared until I didn’t.

I’ve read that if you ask children from the same household to describe their childhood, you will get vastly differing accounts. My sister’s memories of our childhood compared to mine are consistent with this statement. Now I understand it wasn’t the overall experience that differed but rather our key moments.

What do I wish I had known? To slow down and think instead of rushing responses and experiences. The totality of a vacation is not as important as a remembered moment during a day.

May we all make the most of our 2025 moments.

Christmas, Parenting

The Christmas Generation Gap

December 14th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Along the way, I learned that Christmas traditions are outgrown. When my sons sat in the car instead of helping choose our Christmas tree—they claimed it was too cold—I was dismayed. I thought my high schoolers had turned into Scrooges until I remembered my mother’s disappointment when I said, “I’d rather get back to the dorm. Decorate the tree without me.”

When my sons were no longer interested in seeing the White House Christmas tree, I remembered my father’s disappointment when he said, “Pilot Life has its Creche displayed. Who wants to go see it?” and my siblings and I declined.

Eventually, my sons will grow old enough to return to the festivities they enjoyed when they were younger. Until then, the generation gap amuses me.

Exciting for the young and old—not those in between

Along the way, I also learned that my sons’ return will be on their terms. I mustn’t mind when they dismiss the Festival of Lights with my husband and me and then plan a similar outing in another city with their dates. (This really happened.)

P.S. My children never outgrew Christmas food or Christmas worship services.

Decisions, Parenting, Relationships

I’m Sorry to Disappoint You, But

November 9th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Along the way, I learned that I can’t

make my child drop a grudge,

make my child stop being shy,

make my child be on time,

make a friend keep promises,

make a frenemy tell the truth,

make a relative show up at a birthday party—OK. I did have success there,

make my children initiate particular relationships,

make leaders listen,

make acquaintances obey the rules.

And I’m sorrier than you are. I’ve wasted too much time trying.

No matter how much I’m nagged or shamed, only my Heavenly Father can mend his children.

Are you hoping or expected to “fix” someone this upcoming holiday season?

Parenting

Emergencies: Break The Rules

September 14th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I prepared my sons for emergencies. We practiced fire drills, which included climbing out of their second-story bedrooms using an escape ladder. They wore a lanyard with a whistle when we shopped in crowds, or they went to the men’s room alone.

Along the way, I told them that in emergencies, we break the rules—obvious to adults but not to children.

My boys were to use their judgement and not listen to an older relative who lived with us. That was a hard one.

They were to abandon any possession, especially if they needed to run. Children have been hurt because they were drilled to take care of schoolbooks and bikes.

They were allowed to break anything that stood in their way.

After my sons were grown, I learned tips that I wish I had known.

When escaping with children, have them hold your belt or shirt so you don’t waste time checking on them.

Give specific instructions, such as “Run to the Wal-Mart greeter” rather than “Run.”

Children are silent when drowning—not like television.

As school activities resume, I need to remind the children in my life to break the rules.

Do you have a tip?

Homeschooling, Parenting, Relationships

Underestimating the Gap

September 7th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

What happens if your friend lives 200 miles away, but both of you think the distance is 100 miles, and you agree to meet halfway?

What happens if you both decide to drive another twenty-five miles after not seeing each other at the fifty-mile mark?

What happens if you both decide to drive another fifteen miles before giving up?

You will never meet your friend, but both of you will think that the other reneged. You will think you gave 90% while your friend did not give 10%. The relationship will be damaged.

I heard this illustration when I was newly married. I was working full-time and working on my doctoral dissertation part time. My husband was working part time and writing his doctoral dissertation full-time. The gap between our actual free time—for family, friends and volunteering—and our perceived free time was large.

While a map can settle location misperceptions, it can’t prove time, emotional or ability gaps. The only solution is extending goodwill. These days, as I give my “90%” and lament others’ lack of “10%,” I try to remember that I am probably misinformed.

Have you tired of giving your “90%” while others give their “10%”?