Parenting | 100 Words

Underestimating the Gap

September 7th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

What happens if your friend lives 200 miles away, but both of you think the distance is 100 miles, and you agree to meet halfway?

What happens if you both decide to drive another twenty-five miles after not seeing each other at the fifty-mile mark?

What happens if you both decide to drive another fifteen miles before giving up?

You will never meet your friend, but both of you will think that the other reneged. You will think you gave 90% while your friend did not give 10%. The relationship will be damaged.

I heard this illustration when I was newly married. I was working full-time and working on my doctoral dissertation part time. My husband was working part time and writing his doctoral dissertation full-time. The gap between our actual free time—for family, friends and volunteering—and our perceived free time was large.

While a map can settle location misperceptions, it can’t prove time, emotional or ability gaps. The only solution is extending goodwill. These days, as I give my “90%” and lament others’ lack of “10%,” I try to remember that I am probably misinformed.

Have you tired of giving your “90%” while others give their “10%”?

Parenting

Surprises, Not Secrets

August 24th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I’m bringing you chocolate ice cream on Sunday. Don’t tell. It’s a secret.”

“No, Mollie,” my husband admonished after I got off the phone. “The ice cream is a surprise. Not a secret. Children should not have secrets with adults.”

Of course. What was I thinking? Surprises are innocent and are intended to be revealed. Not so with all secrets.

Especially as a new school year starts and activities fill our calendar, I need to remember that I, and the children in my life, face a world filled with dangers. My language should help protect them.

Not only should children be prohibited from having secrets with adults, but also with other children. Unfortunately, I know three adult women who were younger than ten when friends their age exposed them to porn. My husband was offered hard liquor at a Boy Scout Camp. He declined and left the tent.

I’m average at changing habits, but I’m trying to remember to use “secret” sparingly and never when I mean “surprise.”

Which other words should I not interchange?

Art, Homeschooling, Parenting

Picture Books As Art

July 13th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

There is an opportunity with children to show them art and illustration that will furnish their minds with beauty and mystery, symmetry and wonder. The simplest mechanism for this is the selection of picture books that we share with them.”
Meghan Cox Gurdon, The Enchanted Hour

Along the way, I learned that stories not only have a lasting impact, but also their illustrations. My grown sons have asked for the titles of favorite picture books based on their illustrations: the large flashlight; the black Scottish terrier; the boy wearing a blue sweater.

We didn’t read *Angus* as much as *Titch*, but my preschooler still remembered the terrier over thirty years later.

The impact of picture book illustrations has given me a way to start art conversations with children. Make Way for Ducklings by McCloskey, Mr. Gumpy by Birmingham, Round Trip by Jonas, Piggins by Yolen, and Old Bear by Hissey are among my favorites.

These illustrations help teach the use of line, the power of basic shapes, and the variety of art media and styles.

Thankfully, Massachusetts and Ohio have museums celebrating the art of picture books.

Do you remember any illustrations from childhood?

Parenting

Limited Parenting, Unlimited Expectations

June 22nd, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Economics is the study of satisfying unlimited wants with limited resources.
Most Economics Textbooks

I’m an economist by nature and training, so why did it take years to realize that parenting is an economics problem—satisfying children’s unlimited wants with parents limited resources.

As a friend and I discussed our childhood hurts, we acknowledged that most were due to our parents’ limitations. They did not have the money, energy, training, or experiences to meet our childhood needs, wants, or expectations.

I have also long pondered how children’s expectations of parents have escalated over the decades. And I have lamented that family and community support have eroded. The result? The gap between children’s wants and parents’ resources has widened.

How did the analogy between parenting and the definition of economics help me? I gained perspective. I cannot completely satisfy my children any more than the production and allocation of goods can completely satisfy all consumers. However, I now have the vocabulary to explain this principle.

In which areas are you facing unlimited demands with limited resources?

Parenting

Learning to Rally

June 15th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Defeat doesn’t finish a man. Quit does. A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.
Richard Nixon

One of the hardest things about parenting is that our children are not like us. Preferences and temperaments do not align, which can lead to gaps in training particular children.

For me, one training gap was rallying. It never occurred to me to teach my sons to come back from defeat. Growing up—with few exceptions—I rallied. I got back up. I got back out there. I didn’t have a choice. At least it felt that way, and so, I thought rebounding came naturally. And it did to some family members.

How do you teach your kids to rally? I don’t know because I didn’t. But, I wish I had known or at least learned it along the way.

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.
Wimston Churchill

Which parenting gap caught you unawares?