Category: Parenting

Parenting

Limited Parenting, Unlimited Expectations

June 22nd, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Economics is the study of satisfying unlimited wants with limited resources.

Most Economics Textbooks

I’m an economist by nature and training, so why did it take years to realize that parenting is an economics problem—satisfying children’s unlimited wants with parents limited resources.

As a friend and I discussed our childhood hurts, we acknowledged that most were due to our parents’ limitations. They did not have the money, energy, training, or experiences to meet our childhood needs, wants, or expectations.

I have also long pondered how children’s expectations of parents have escalated over the decades. And I have lamented that family and community support have eroded. The result? The gap between children’s wants and parents’ resources has widened.

How did the analogy between parenting and the definition of economics help me? I gained perspective. I cannot completely satisfy my children any more than the production and allocation of goods can completely satisfy all consumers. However, I now have the vocabulary to explain this principle.

In which areas are you facing unlimited demands with limited resources?

Parenting

Learning to Rally

June 15th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Defeat doesn’t finish a man. Quit does. A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.

Richard Nixon

One of the hardest things about parenting is that our children are not like us. Preferences and temperaments do not align, which can lead to gaps in training particular children.

For me, one training gap was rallying. It never occurred to me to teach my sons to come back from defeat. Growing up—with few exceptions—I rallied. I got back up. I got back out there. I didn’t have a choice. At least it felt that way, and so, I thought rebounding came naturally. And it did to some family members.

How do you teach your kids to rally? I don’t know because I didn’t. But, I wish I had known or at least learned it along the way.

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

Wimston Churchill

Which parenting gap caught you unawares?

Decisions, Parenting

They Didn’t Do It All*

June 8th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

In 1998, I flew to Tennessee to celebrate my precious grandmother’s 88th birthday. On the plane, I decided to ask a great-aunt how she juggled raising two daughters with church and community responsibilities. I don’t know why I chose Aunt Dottie. I liked her, but we were not close. Maybe because she was kind, cheerful, patient, modest, long-suffering, and—as an empty nester—she had started a successful home business.

Great-Aunt Dottie (2000)

Our only time alone was driving Aunt Dottie to pick up fish dinners for the family meal. I vividly remember the exit of the restaurant parking lot where I started the conversation. More intensely, I remember Aunt Dottie’s answer and what it provoked: vindication and regret.

I didn’t take on additional responsibilities. None of the mothers did. We didn’t expect that of each other until our children were older.

Great-Aunt Dottie

I had wrongly accepted the unrealistic expectations of others and myself. Women have come a long way since Aunt Dottie’s child-raising days, but we have also regressed. I wish I had asked sooner.

Do you have an untapped source for advice?

*Edited and republished for the fourth anniversary of 100words.

Homeschooling, Parenting, Relationships

None of My Business

May 11th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

The most important advice I would give my younger writer self is what I’d give my younger woman self: What other people think of you is none of your business.

Anne Lamott, author

I’ve read this quote multiple times, and it still hits me the same way. “Of course” followed by “No way.”

I eventually have to remember that seeking advice and seeking approval are not the same. While I may need counsel, if I don’t need approval, then I don’t need to know if I have obtained it.

In the past, other’s opinions have paralyzed me or led me off course. Realizing that another’s approval or disapproval—of my parenting or my homeschooling or other aspects of my lifestyle—is none of my business is freeing.

These days, if I suspect my writing or actions will upset someone, I try to remember “What other people think of me is none of my business.”

Thank you, Anne.

Book Recommendations, Lies I Believed, Parenting

Lies I Believed: Parents Can Fix Their Children

April 13th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Pray then like this: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name.

Matthew 6:9

One son held a grudge against a teacher. “Had I prayed with my son?” asked another teacher.

“Yes.”

“Had I prayed for him?”

“Yes.”

“Why wasn’t his attitude ‘fixed?'” she wondered. Maybe I hadn’t prayed enough.

“Had I encouraged another son who was shy?” asked a friend.

“Yes.”

“Perhaps he needs an incentive.”

“One morning, I offered a dime for every time he said ‘Hello.’ He declined.”

My friend wondered if there was another way to “fix” him.

I learned quickly I could not “fix” my sons. However, I felt guilty when I couldn’t, which probably meant deep down I thought I should.

It was decades later that I read The Lord’s Prayer by Thomas Watson. He begins by examining what it means for God to be our father.

God is the best Father in terms of Wisdom. He knows the fittest means to bring about his own design. … God is the best Father because he can Reform his children. God knows how to make his elect children better—he can change their hearts.

Thomas Watson, The Lord’s Prayer

Have you been expected to fix someone?