Category: Decisions

Along the way—as in after expensive, time-consuming attempts over twenty-five years—I learned that I can’t dig people out of their messes. My family’s considerable energy and money only provided temporary relief, and the same can be said of others’ attempts to eradicate the same messes.

Why was I so naive? Why didn’t I understand the obvious? Messes don’t just appear. Why did I think they did?

Messes are due to deliberate, day-by-day decisions. If I can’t change someone’s daily decisions, then the mess will reappear, and I can’t fix people—although once upon a time I and others thought I could. (See here)

Do I regret my family’s actions?

No to two. I had to give those relatives opportunities for a new start.

Don’t ask what it will cost you if you help. Ask what it will cost them if you don’t help.

Rev. Josh Diack,

Yes, to one. Our family is still hurting from the experience. I haven’t decided about the others. However, I’m wiser.

Are you being drawn into someone’s mess this holiday season?

Within days of waiting quietly for hours (see here)—and appreciating the experience—I had a chance to practice what I learned about waiting. However, this time, I was in a noisy Walmart instead of a solemn courthouse. This time, I had a to-do list rather than a cleared day. This time, the result of my wait would update a photo album, not help change lives.

An 8×10 photo stapled to its receipt should have been a quick fix except the associate helping me reorder went on an extended break, and then, the printer went into a scheduled 30-minute “cleaning session.”

“Let’s enjoy the wait,” I told my husband who was stuck with me. “Let’s be happy.”

We did, and we were. (He usually is.) We compared the TV screens on display. We observed an associate using his eyeglasses as a Bluetooth device. (Who knew?) We listened to a mother—while uploading photos—preach a fifty-minute sermon to her children. I peeked at a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Can I just tell myself to enjoy waiting? Is it that easy? Can I learn to find the events and people surrounding me interesting, perhaps even entertaining? I guess I’ll see.

My memories of watching gymnastics began with Soviet Olga Korbut during the 1972 Olympics. She might have been on the other side of the Cold War, but she enchanted us all. Not only did Korbut popularize the sport, but she also reduced tensions between the U.S. and the Soviet Union.

I followed Olympic gymnastics from the Olga Korbut era until 1996, and then returned in 2012. I was struck by a change that seemed especially pronounced these past weeks in Paris: the importance of sticking the landing.

In my earliest memories, sticking the landing was almost a prerequisite for a spot on the podium. In Paris, sticking the landing was the icing on the cake, not the cake itself. The cake was height, complexity, and innovation. Commentators informed me that the difficulty of a gymnast’s routine made sticking the landing uncertain, but that same difficulty could overcome penalties. Risk triumphed perfection.

I’ve known that perfectionism was an enemy, but watching gymnasts accept potential mistakes in order to reach the podium was a good reminder.

Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it’s about earning approval and acceptance.

Brene Brown