Relationships

Everyone Has a Back Story

Long before the backstory of the Wicked Witch of the West was written and became the musical and movie Wicked, my husband would regularly remind me that everyone has a backstory. Backstories typically prompt kindness or forgiveness or looser standards. I never thought of back stories having glory until one morning at Costco.

A favorite employee was giving samples of an electrolyte drink. I said I would ask my husband his opinion as he used electrolyte drinks during training for marathons.

I never ran. but I started cross-country skiing at the age of eight. When I was fourteen, I won a silver medal, which I still have. A Russian won the gold.

Maria from Poland

I hope to learn more.

I recently attended the memorial services of a neighbor. We had casually chatted in our yards—usually about flowers. I now know she helped raise baby twins when she was a teenager and later raised her sister’s children. She mentored a teenage co-worker and sewed the teen’s prom dresses.

I wish I could know more.

I’ve thought many times how interesting my family and friends are. Now I want to learn their backstories.

What is your shareable but unshared backstory?

Friendship, Relationships

Included and Remembered

My 4th of July birthday has special advantages. My mother yearly pointed out that my father and much of the nation had the day off. Friends and family members mentioned the fireworks. Uncle Gene’s standard joke was,

I called the White House, and they scheduled fireworks over the Capitol for you.

In 1958, The Greensboro Daily News wanted a photo of a child turning one on the 4th of July. The assigned photographer knew my parents.

I had just finished my nap when the photographer arrived.

The best part of a July 4th birthday is never mentioned. My birthday and I are not forgotten.

As I read my birthday wishes and know others are thinking of me as they celebrate—they tell me they do—I reflect on the beginning of those relationships. Inclusion. How can I resist someone who includes me in their life? How blessed I have been from including others in mine.

There is no single “magic” moment that defines the start of a friendship.

Anonymous

I know the intent of the quote, but I disagree. All friendships can be traced to a moment of inclusion, whether we remember that moment or knew where it would lead.

Favorites, Parenting, Relationships

Do You Need a Mediator?*

As my children aged, their sharing with us lessened and our need to understand them grew. Misunderstandings mounted from our lack of communication. They wanted freedoms we weren’t ready to give, and the resulting arguments wearied us.

How could we break barriers and truly listen? One son, a tween at the time, brought his teddy bear one evening as a mediator.

Teddy** had a disarming voice and a sweet way of saying Grandperson.

“Grandperson, Bob** is mad at you,” said Teddy.

“Why?” I asked.

“He thinks you are unfair.”

“How am I unfair?”

The conversation continued as we patiently listened to each other.

A friend tried this with her son and reported, “It works because you can’t fuss at teddy bears, and they don’t fuss back.”

I shared my experience with another friend. “It is not a new trick,” she said, “but I am always amazed that it works.”

Is this a gimmick? I don’t think so. I think it was a way of breaking bad communication patterns. Variety helped us listen carefully because talking through a teddy bear was unpredictable. And fun.

*Edited and republished for the sixth anniversary of 100words.

** pseudonyms

Favorites, God's Faithfulness, Relationships

The Value of Transparency*

I vividly remember a homeschool prayer breakfast where I learned how much transparency—though it takes courage—changes everything

A beloved supporter of our group was the morning speaker. After she encouraged us to raise our children in accordance with Scripture, the leader asked for prayer requests. Usually, we shared about children struggling with reading or math, wisdom in ordering our day, curriculum decisions, dealing with opposition to homeschooling, or our husbands’ work schedules.

Our speaker responded first. She poured out her heart concerning a matter that was deeply troubling her. She listed her questions, her fears, and her doubts. As an older and wiser woman, she had just given us advice, but she was not afraid of transparency. She understood she had no merit apart from Christ’s sacrifice. She was equal to us in needing and relying on the grace of God alone.

Our speaker’s transparency—and vulnerability—changed the direction of our meeting. We eagerly followed her example and openly talked about—and then prayed for—the concerns that were most heavy on our hearts. We were different when we left.

Has someone’s transparency changed your direction?

PS Thank you, J’aime.

*Edited and republished from July 25, 2021

Decisions, God's Faithfulness, Relationships

A Time For Pity

Pity: sympathetic sorrow for one suffering, distressed or unhappy.

Merriam-Webster

For too long, I’ve born the consequences of the foolish actions of a middle-aged woman. Frustrated, I complained again.

Mollie, she doesn’t know her right hand from her left.

My Husband

He was right. She didn’t, and what did God do with a great city of evildoers who did not know their right from their left?

And should I not pity Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than 120,000 persons who do not know their right hand from their left

Jonah 4:11 (ESV)

Unlike me, instead of lamenting the Ninevites’ lack of knowledge and listing the reasons why they should know better, God had pity. He took action to correct the situation. I may not be the one to correct, but I can have pity.