Decisions, Relationships

It’s The Little Things That Matter #2

Last week, I wrote about the lasting impact of a snapshot. (See here.) It was the result of three small decisions I made—taking, printing, and sending. However, someone else’s decisions made the moment possible.

A and L told me they would not be at the evening church service because A did not drive at night. I liked these women, and they expressed disappointment at missing the installation service. Therefore, I was sad about their situation, and then, delightfully surprised to see them appear.

What made it possible for A and L to be at church after dark? An elder in the church called and did more than offer a ride. He chose words that were inclusive, welcoming. He said, “My wife and I will pick you up at 6:30.” He implied that their presence was a given and not an imposition.

Why don’t we do more of the little things? Because, although actions may seem “little,” they are time consuming. Who wants to waste valuable time on something that, on the surface, seems “little?”

Along the way, I am learning that the “little things” are remembered the most.

Have “little things” impacted your life?

Memories, Relationships

It’s the Little Things That Matter #1

I feel like crying as I write this. Truthfully, I’m tearing up—over a photo. Or more accurately, what that photo meant to someone.

In 2019, I snapped a photo of two women standing with my son. It was both spur of the moment and posed. I printed two copies and mailed one to each woman. Last week, one of the women passed at the age of 102. That photo was found in her Bible, and her daughter said the photo was of the few things she took with her when she moved to receive fulltime care.

There was much to love about that photo. L was not only standing with her pastor, but also with the friend who drove her to church each week. Part of the church building, which she could no longer enter once she became frailer, was visible. It was also a momentous occasion. It was the day that my son, who had been on staff for almost two years, was officially installed as the church’s pastor.

I almost didn’t take the photo. I wondered if I should mail it. However, those little actions mattered more than I knew, until now.

Homeschooling, Parenting, Relationships

Underestimating the Gap

What happens if your friend lives 200 miles away, but both of you think the distance is 100 miles, and you agree to meet halfway?

What happens if you both decide to drive another twenty-five miles after not seeing each other at the fifty-mile mark?

What happens if you both decide to drive another fifteen miles before giving up?

You will never meet your friend, but both of you will think that the other reneged. You will think you gave 90% while your friend did not give 10%. The relationship will be damaged.

I heard this illustration when I was newly married. I was working full-time and working on my doctoral dissertation part time. My husband was working part time and writing his doctoral dissertation full-time. The gap between our actual free time—for family, friends and volunteering—and our perceived free time was large.

While a map can settle location misperceptions, it can’t prove time, emotional or ability gaps. The only solution is extending goodwill. These days, as I give my “90%” and lament others’ lack of “10%,” I try to remember that I am probably misinformed.

Have you tired of giving your “90%” while others give their “10%”?

Relationships

A Measure of Friendship

So, what are you making for dinner tonight?

I used to think that the closeness of women could be measured by their sharing of worries or ambitions or secrets. Or supporting each other during times of crisis. These do occur among friends. However, we’ve all read stories about people rescuing strangers during a flood or dropping groceries on a stranger’s doorstep. And people have said they couldn’t believe that the person beside them on a plane told them about their abusive marriage. However, only those closest to me have asked, “So, what are you making for dinner tonight?”

Along the way, I learned that the closest of friends discuss the mundane.

The children spilled a drink in the back seat.

I took seven bags to the thrift store yesterday.

The strap on my sandal broke.

Let me tell you about my crazy dream.

I gained back nine pounds.

Have you bought your Thanksgiving turkey?

Are your daffodils blooming?

I have heard or said all the above—but none with strangers.

So, what are you making for dinner tonight?

Relationships

Phone Ministry

Someday I will be remembered for the phone calls I never made.

Yoko Ono

I spend hours on the phone. My husband jokes about my phone ministry, which makes me feel better about time that used to feel wasted. Along the way, I learned that heartfelt phone calls are never a waste of time, even if the conversations seem trivial.

My negative perception of phone calls was a result of too many hours trapped listening to slander or complaints about unimportant matters or complaints about situations a person was unwilling to change. I should have hung up.

My opinion changed after a friend lamented that she had not cleaned her closet that day because she had spent time chatting with her daughter and daughter-in-law on the phone. However, the conversations she described seemed more valuable than a clean closet.

My friend’s email reminded me to focus on the blessing and joy phone calls can bring and not the items on my to-do list.

Certain types of intimacy emerge on a phone call that might never occur if you were sitting right next to the other person.

Errol Morris Film Director

Thank you, Friends, for calling me and taking my calls.