Category: Relationships

I regularly jot down inspiring quotes or phrases, and then, I forget them. When I come across the words later, I am moved again. And I forget again.

However, I never made any attempt to record the quote on a poster in the office of my sons’ guidance counselor. I knew I would remember it, and twenty years later, I do. I regularly repeat these words to others.

People who cause you pain are in more pain than they are causing.

Anonymous

Intellectually, I agreed. I have been aware of the problems facing both loved ones and acquaintances who behaved badly. However, this quote had an amplified meaning recently when I learned of someone’s past despair. My family still experiences the consequences of her detrimental actions.

Her pain during those years was overwhelming. When she apologized decades later, she said her actions were her way of coping. I wish I had known how much she was suffering.

I have received “check-off” gifts—i.e. I checked you off my list.

I have received gifts I wanted enough to request.

I have received gifts I would have requested if I had known they existed—and would be bought.

And I have received “What I Always Needed” gifts—the best kind.

I once filled a small box with paper of various types, colors, and sizes. I added child safety scissors and wrapped the package. I presented it to my three-year-old nephew, who opened his present, sighed deeply, and declared, “What I always needed.” 

He cut for hours. My husband and I remembered for years. We still repeat Jamie’s words.

Which were the gifts “I Always Needed?” Those that reached a deep place in my heart.

One was an email from a long-distance, childhood friend. She included details about how much I meant to her, but her ending meant the most. “I always prayed you would be happy.” (See here)

Six were inscriptions in school yearbooks. They were unexpected, nourishing words from teachers and friends. Almost fifty years later, I still reread them.

Some were from you, Readers.

Comparison is the death of joy.

Mark Twain

For years, I have disliked words ending in “est.” Why?

Those words masqueraded as a fact when they were an opinion.

Those words marginalized me and my friends and probably you—especially the word “hardest.” Especially when “hardest” was combined with “parenting.”

“Parents have the hardest job in the world.” What about childless couples dealing with crushed dreams?

“Single moms have the hardest job in the world.” What about married moms with abusive husbands?

“Parents of toddlers have the hardest job in the world.” What about parents of teenagers whom are succumbing to cultural dangers?

“Parents of teenagers have the hardest job in the world.” What about sleep-deprived parents of infants. Or parents of struggling adults?

You’ve heard it. And why do we add “in the world.” I don’t know. Do you?

Once thing I learned along the way is that all people “have it hard,” and all stages of parenting seem the hardest. However, I do not wish I had known that fact. Believing the myth that parenting would become easier was comforting.

 

 

As you consider those who have wronged you, let Jesus be angry on your behalf. His anger can be trusted.

Dane C.  Ortland, Gentle and Lowly

I texted this quote to a friend who is angry. She has righteous anger regarding evil done to her. I thought Ortland’s words would help.

One evening—after realizing I was angry with a person who had been rude and careless with things I hold dear—I realized that quote applied to me. I had thought I was annoyed, but now I had to deal with my newfound anger. I thought of being on guard. I thought of practical steps I should take in this relationship. And then, I saw my text on my phone screen. 

The most helpful plan was to allow Christ to be angry on my behalf—to trust his anger and remedy. Only he had the perfect solution. My responsibility was not negated, but I no longer carried a burden.