Parenting

Advice From Another Mother

… And since when is good advice criticism?”

When it comes from your mother.

For Better or Worse Comic July 9, 2024

Our children need a mother. As they age, they want a mother that doesn’t belong to them. They want the advice we would give—just not from our mouths.

When my children were younger, I found it odd that young adults seemed to be trading mothers. My cousin didn’t ask my aunt for advice. However, my cousin’s best friend did. My cousin turned to the mother of another friend.

Why?

My aunt listened sympathetically to the problems of her daughter’s peers—more sympathetically than she listened to my cousin.

Why?

Along the way, I learned that by the time my children really needed my counsel, baggage had accumulated on both sides. Even when baggage wasn’t an issue, as healthy adults who were finding their own identity, my sons wanted privacy. And a mother who wasn’t overly interested.

So, what’s a mother to do?

I pray that my children seek godly counsel. I pray that the right person is put in their path at the opportune time.

… But wisdom is with those who seek counsel.

Proverbs 13:10

Priorities

So, What Did You Do Today?

I didn’t get anything done.

I may have had significant conversations, exercised, prayed, and attended a Bible Study, but if I hadn’t written, cleaned, or organized, I felt like I hadn’t gotten anything done.

Along the way, I learned that my and others’ priorities were revealed by whether we counted our activities as “getting something done.”

This discovery began with my husband. Many times, when I asked about his day he answered,

I didn’t get anything done today because …

My husband had accomplished much, and it was part of his job description, but I learned that his answer meant he hadn’t done the part of his job that mattered most to him.

I eventually realized a pattern in my assessments. To believe I had accomplished something, I needed proof: words on a page, objects in their place, or a clean room. Bible study, prayers and conversations were discounted because the results couldn’t be seen or touched. Their impact might not be revealed during my lifetime.

What counts on the days I don’t write?

The world doesn’t necessarily need more great artists. It needs more decent human beings.

Keep going by Austin Kleon

So, what did you do today?

Parenting

Keeping Easter

Guess what I got in my Easter basket? Pink nail polish.

I hid candy from my childhood Easter baskets in my pockets. I snuck the candy into my mouth during worship.

I hope it doesn’t rain and spoil Easter for the children.

The statements above reveal a lot. The first was an interruption to my Easter Sunday School lesson about Jesus’s Resurrection.

Given my observations and childhood experiences, I desired to preserve the meaning of Easter. The cares of the world and the deceitfulness of riches may choke the Word (Matthew 13:7), but I shouldn’t contribute.

What’s a mother to do? This may sound extreme, but I never gave my sons Easter baskets. My family hosted Easter egg hunts on Saturdays using Resurrection Eggs * that tell the Easter story. Eggs with candy were intermingled.

We had traditional Easter fun, but I separated it from the Easter morning celebration of the Resurrection. We dyed Easter eggs as a Spring activity. Weeks before Easter, we held mini-Easter egg hunts each morning. As the boys aged, they hid eggs for each other. Don’t worry. My sons got enough candy—half-price after Easter.

How do you counter the culture?

* Family Life Ministries

Book Recommendations

Holding Up the Sky Alone

One benefit of reading messy fiction is that an author can help me understand myself.

I’ve spent months reflecting on a task I undertook. It was rewarding. I was successful. I was exhausted. I wept at random times when I remembered the experience. I tried to dissect why I had been, and was still being, impacted so dramatically. And then, I reread a favorite passage from a favorite book by a favorite author.

But I wonder if what Hercules was most afraid of when he was holding up the sky wasn’t that he was going to have to hold it up forever. It was that he was going to have to hold it up forever while he was by himself.

The Labors of Hercules Beal by Gary D. Schmidt

My trauma came from the never-ending, day-to-day aloneness. My husband, son, and close friends encouraged me, but they could not do the work.

I’d assumed I’d have help holding up the sky. As the days accumulated, I realized that the person I expected to take a turn, was holding up her own sky. Alone. And we both might be stuck forever.

Has a novel given you insight into your experiences?

Relationships

So, What Are You Making For Dinner Tonight?

During daily walks with my friend Kathy, why did we discuss what we were making for dinner or had made the previous day? Why does my book group discuss our meals more than our books? As I typed these questions, I realized I could identify some friends by their meals.

Given the response to a recent blog (see here) it seems that many of you do the same. I have been pondering these close-friend, food conversations, and I have a few ideas.

Meals reflect our tastes, culture, allergies, time limitations, and income levels. Meals reveal our patience as well as the friends and family whom share our table. We save these intimate details for the trusted.

But why do we talk about food so much with those closest to us?

Meals dominate our time, and our friends care how our hours are spent. They appreciate our toil, marvel at our shortcuts, rejoice at our triumphs, and either lament or laugh at our mistakes.

Meals nourish our bodies, but the telling of them nourishes our friendships.

Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are.

Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

So, what are you making for dinner tonight?