Relationships

Round Up the Usual Suspects

Major Strasser has been shot. Round up the usual suspects.

Captain Louis Renault, Casablanca

“Round up the usual suspects” is a great line for a movie, but I think it regularly—perhaps daily if I’m honest.

I couldn’t find the stamps I had ordered weeks earlier. Before rounding up the usual mailmisplacing suspects, who live in my house, I checked tracking. I only checked to provide evidence for the roundup. However, the stamps had been lost in the mail system. USPS was not a usual suspect.

I get tired of being rounded up. Why am I the usual suspect when a key is missing? Especially when missing keys have been found in another’s pocket. More than twice.

What should I do? My friend Beth begins by assuming goodwill toward the usual suspects.

Do you have any usual suspects?

Relationships

People Who Cause You Pain

I regularly jot down inspiring quotes or phrases, and then, I forget them. When I come across the words later, I am moved again. And I forget again.

However, I never made any attempt to record the quote on a poster in the office of my sons’ guidance counselor. I knew I would remember it, and twenty years later, I do. I regularly repeat these words to others.

People who cause you pain are in more pain than they are causing.

Anonymous

Intellectually, I agreed. I have been aware of the problems facing both loved ones and acquaintances who behaved badly. However, this quote had an amplified meaning recently when I learned of someone’s past despair. My family still experiences the consequences of her detrimental actions.

Her pain during those years was overwhelming. When she apologized decades later, she said her actions were her way of coping. I wish I had known how much she was suffering.

Is anyone causing you pain?

Homeschooling, Parenting

Learning New Standards

Along the way, I learned that I was more outdated than I thought.

When I reviewed homeschool portfolios for my county school system, some parents showed me work that demonstrated their children were below grade level. It was usually accompanied with “My kids know much more than I did at their age.” Unfortunately, that didn’t mean they were excelling. 

I knew my childhood and education were not a gauge for current expectations. When my oldest was starting high school. I attended conferences and listened to cassette tapes about college admissions—no podcasts back then. We were on track with an accelerated education. However, by the time my sons applied to college, I learned we had been hanging on. Standards had risen exponentially in four years.

A wonderful education was received at this college.

What if I had known? Would I have pressured myself and my sons? Would we have lowered our college expectations? I don’t know. Either would have been detrimental and unnecessary because my sons were admitted to their first-choice colleges and received scholarships.

What I do know is that keeping up is hard. Discerning when it doesn’t matter is even harder.

Friendship, Homeschooling, Parenting

I’m Glad I Didn’t Know

There are many things I wish I had known and learned along the way. However, there are many things I learned along the way that I’m glad I didn’t know.

I’m glad I didn’t know:

People’s hidden agendas, or I might not have had the courage to enter those relationships.

How hard homeschooling is, or I might not have had the courage to start—and finish.

How quickly my health could decline, or I might have wasted time worrying.

How many incompetent doctors there are, or I might not have had the courage to seek medical care.

How much my heart would be broken for my children, or I might not have had the courage to have children.

And more.

I believe our memories are one of God’s best gifts. I believe not having complete information can be another good gift.

Never be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God. Corrie Ten Boom

God's Faithfulness, Parenting

New Information, Please

You never know the kernels of wisdom you will learn when you attend a Bible study, I don’t remember the official topic, but I do remember the parenting advice I wish I had received years earlier.

Only bring new information in your pleas. Don’t tell me the same old stuff.

Children want parental decisions reversed, and wearing down the court is a familiar tactic. Karen gave the child a chance—with parameters for the battle. The child could only come back if he had information Karen didn’t know when she made her decision.

Even better, Karen made a spiritual application. “Doesn’t God think the same. Don’t keep confessing the same old sins. He has dealt with them. Bring him new information about your sins.”

God buries our sins in the depths of the sea and then puts up a sign that reads, “No fishing.”

Corrie Ten Boom

Thank you, Karen.