Category: Relationships

Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Longfellow’s words reminded me of a member of our church, whom I barely knew. She gave me the cold stare whenever she passed. What had I done? I didn’t dare ask.

Eventually, we were in the same Bible study. She was cordial, but there was no warmth. One Sunday, I decided to probe. Had I offended her? No. She was surprised by my question, and yet not. Another church member had recently asked the same question.

She wondered,

What does my face show if people think I am mad at them?

Longfellow’s words also reminded me of something my brother told me when he entered high school the Fall after I graduated. Someone said,

Oh, you’re the brother of that unfriendly girl.

Back then, I was shocked. I had friends, but I wanted more. Perhaps, my shyness was misinterpreted? Now, I think it was my sadness. I had too many responsibilities and concerns with little support during my high school years.

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth under the penalty of law.

Oath for sworn Testimony

Since I wrote about telling the whole truth (see here), I’ve taken the oath and testified in a court of law.

In preparation for testimony, I learned which statements are allowed in the courtroom.

Hearsay is not truth. I cannot testify about what someone else said.

Speculation is not truth. I cannot testify based on my guesses, deductions, or inferences.

I was asked a question about a matter in which expertise was required. I had no expertise and could only speculate, so I declined. I was next asked about my observations and could comply.

Courtroom protocols are worthy of remembering outside the courtroom. (My husband would agree because I do like to speculate.) Equally important, I am more equipped to deal with opinions disguised as facts. (See here.)

That’s hearsay.

That sounds like speculation.

A view or judgement or appraisal formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Definition of Opinion

Loved family members have faced a life-changing medical challenge the past two months. What has been one source of their and my stress? People stating their opinions as facts.

I have opinions, and I believe you do, too. We take facts, analyze them, come to conclusions that may or may not be correct, and present them as facts.

Or we substitute our opinion when we believe —or hope—the facts are wrong.

Or we embellish the facts until they become lies. (Eve added her embellishment in the Garden of Eden.)

Current politics desensitized me to pointing out opinions presented as facts. Arguing for truth felt useless. However, during our family’s difficult days, the manipulation or disregarding of truth has caused misinformation and stress that cannot be ignored.

What do I wish I had known? To point out immediately opinions versus facts. What have I learned along the way? To take a hard stand for truthful facts.

Comment is free, but fact is sacred.

C.P. Scott, British Journalist and Publisher

Tia, put down your phone and watch TV.

My 3-year-old Great-Nephew

I did, although I was texting updates to friends and family who were praying for the child’s father. My nephew was in ICU recovering from heart surgery. Or not recovering most days.

My great-nephew’s request was a funny story to tell until a friend observed that the child wanted me to be invested in his interests, Peppa the Pig. Or was it Paw Patrol that morning?

After consideration, I realized that my husband and I were doing the same. We were asking others to invest in our current interests, my nephew, his wife, and their sons.

After days of working puzzles, blowing bubbles, monitoring the sandbox, and inventing the silliest games, I understood how deeply God wired us to share experiences.

My great-nephews reciprocated. When my husband went for a 14-mile run, they tracked his progress on my app. It thrilled them to watch the dot on the screen that presented Tio’s progress as he ran around a local lake. They were absorbed with the photos on our phones that represented our activities at home.