Friendship, Relationships

Asking All The Questions

Kathleen 1950-2025

Betty White drove Kathleen’s childhood carpool. Yes, that Betty White. Kathleen chatted with the Clintons while they chose pens at the local bookstore. Yes, that President and Secretary of State. Kathleen didn’t know much about football, but she had been engaged to a Heisman trophy winner and doubled-dated Joe Namath.

And yet, nothing about my mundane life was mundane to Kathleen. She wanted to know what I was cooking for Thanksgiving dinner. What were my favorite recipes? What was I reading? Any good sales lately?

How did I cope with memories during my trip to Brazil where my cousin lived before she passed?  Was the trip healing? Kathleen said I was brave to return to Brazil so soon.

Kathleen was the brave one. Her life was not only filled with celebrities but also with heartaches. She never paused for sympathy when a past event was mentioned as part of a relevant story. I watched her current heartaches from afar.

What made Kathleen interested in everyone around her? So outwardly focused? So inquisitive? So amazing?

 I can guess, but guessing isn’t knowing. I never asked enough questions, but Kathleen asked all her questions.

Why don’t we ask more questions?

Friendship, Photos

Happy Valentine’s Day

Friends Gary and Lois on their wedding day (1975)

I love wedding photos. I love them enough to host Valentine’s Day “wedding photo” parties—bring your wedding photos and the funny, embarrassing and tender stories that accompany them.

Of all my friends’ wedding photos that I’ve seen, the one above is my favorite. Lois and Gary wed a couple of years after meeting and flirting at a work Christmas party. Between those events, a boss caught them kissing in an elevator. “Perhaps you could find a better place,” he suggested.

I met the couple twenty-five years after this photo was taken. Of all the wedding photos I have seen, none have helped me understand a couple’s history like this casual black and white snapshot. Lois and Gary’s love story resonated after I saw their youthful selves.

I easily visualized the woman above sitting alone until the friendly, happy guy above approached and proceeded to entertain her the rest of the evening. I saw her hopes crushed when she learned the obstacles to their marriage.

I see the love and chemistry that they still share today.

May you enjoy reminiscing with your photos this Valentines Day.

Friendship

Friendship Is Not Free

Of course, friendship is not free. Making friends and loving them takes time and effort. Along the way, I’ve learned that friendship has an unforeseen cost.

There is a saying I’ve heard many times, and I’ve lived its truth.

A mother is only as happy as her least happy child.

This past month, I’ve lived the following.

A friend is only as happy as her least happy friend.

October has been a hard month for me because three dear friends have had a hard October. Their lives have been changed, which means, in a lesser way, my life has been changed. We walk our paths together.

I’ve had friends experience hard times in the past, so why am I so bonded to my current friends’ sufferings? Am I wiser and value friendship more? Am I more willing to acknowledge and allow pain in my life instead of shoving it aside? Or something else?

Whichever it is, some days—although I may be content and optimistic and trusting God—I’m only as happy as my least happy friend.

I have no notion of loving people by halves. It’s not in my nature. Jane Austen

Friendship, Relationships

The Sisters Who Stayed Sisters

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.

Romans 12:10 (ESV)
The Cox sisters with their mother (1955)

Next Sunday is National Sisters’ Day. From my earliest years, “sisterly affection” and “outdoing one another in showing honor” were modeled by my grandmother and great-aunts. These women were exemplary sisters.

The three shared their childhood city for almost ninety years, and although they differed in personalities and circumstances, they remained loving sisters. Through the challenges of caring for a mother with Altheimer’s, they remained loving sisters. Settling an estate without a written will did not test their bond but rather proved it. The court said there had never been such a harmonious settlement without a will.

While in their 80s, the three sisters met for lunch every Wednesday. Aunt Dottie and Aunt Frances shared a cab to my grandmother’s house. From the stories I heard, there was more laughter than food, although there was plenty of food. When declining health forced them to live in separate states, they stayed sisters, calling daily.

There were disagreements. Occasionally, my grandmother wished a sister would “mind her own business.” However, all agreed that sisterhood reigned.

May God bless my sister.

Friendship

Occupation? Being a Friend

Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.

Joseph Parry(1841-1903)

My days are filled with differing amounts of dribs and drabs. The major ones are seeing friends and neighbors, phone calls, tutoring, teaching, and many types of writing—although by definition, dribs and drabs are never major.

By moving from project to project, I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished anything by the end of the day. I might if I taught all day or wrote all day or made phone calls all day or was paid to do any of my dribs and drabs.

I like my variety, and I don’t want to be paid for what I do, but what do I the during the day? I asked my husband once after feeling like I had wasted a day.

You are a friend.

I like that label. The next time I am asked, “What do you do during the day?” I hope I remember to say “I am a friend.”

The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend.

Henry David Thoreau