Friendship | Page 2 of 8

The Friendship Balance

September 23rd, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

A friend was moving and leaving not only a void in my life and others, but also a void in our church ministry. Anne* repeatedly told me that she was praying for someone to fill the gap. I doubted someone would serve us the way she had. I doubted I could work as easily with another person.

I frequently thought, “Pray all you want, but it won’t be the same.”

And I was right. I was given more.

My heart was knit to my new friend more deeply and more quickly than I could have imagined. I accepted this better friendship without explanation, but a mutual friend eventually did explain. “With Anne, everything was about us. Nothing was about her,” she said.

Anne asked, “How are you doing? How can I help you? How can I pray for you?” She didn’t answer those same questions. The rare times she mentioned her life, I felt privileged to be trusted.

My new friend was vulnerable. She revealed her heart. She asked me to pray for her. There was a needed balance in my new relationship.

*A pseudonym

How is your friendship seesaw?

Friendship, Lies I Believed

Do I Really Pick My Friends?

September 16th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

You can’t pick your family, but you can pick your friends.

Until I was fifty, I believed that ubiquitous lie. Sort of. The truth came to me as I sat on the sofa of a couple who had recently moved to another state. My husband and I had deviated from our route during a trip that was already too long—in both miles and time—to see them.

I remember thinking, “When we met seventeen years ago, I would never have imagined I would be sitting here today.”

When we met, we were outwardly incompatible, and we remained that way. However, we were friends. Shared life had made us friends.

Thinking back, I only tried to pick my friends twice. It didn’t work with Valerie in third grade. It did with Jennifer in seventh grade. All my other friends appeared. Divine encounters. Shared experiences. Shared ministries. Shared projects. Shared thoughts, All involved moments when something clicked that was out of my control.

Along the way I learned that I don’t control my friendships. Friends are a gift to be received, just as my family is a gift to be received.

Who is your unlikely friend?

Family, Friendship

Enjoying Our People

July 29th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

Sometimes, Mom, you just have to enjoy all you can in a person and let the rest go.
A Wise Son

A friend came to town last week. It wasn’t a casual visit. We hadn’t seen each other since the month before Covid hit, and during that time, she and her husband had moved over a thousand miles away. And yet, it seemed casual—as if we had just chatted in the church hallway. We both said so.

But we knew better. And so, instead of our previous too-few minutes talking in person or our hour-long phone conversations, we spent over seven hours face-to-face. Like other conversations, we covered a wide range of topics and emotions, and we prayed.

My friend gave me some advice, which I want to share. She said I could. After listening to her complain about one person’s behavior, her son said, “Sometimes, Mom, you just have to enjoy all you can in a person and let the rest go.”

Wow! We know we should let things go. But do we remember to enjoy what is left? Letting go and enjoying sounds like a combination worth remembering.

Who do you need to start enjoying?

Favorites, Friendship, Parenting

I Need Holding Help (From June 21 2020)

June 10th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

A republished blog for the third anniversary of 100 words.

For weeks, I listened to a tough, tender former Army Ranger instruct his children. “Do not say, ‘I can’t.’ Instead, say, ‘This is hard. I need help.'”

He drilled his children. “Yes, you can. It may be hard. You may need help, but you can do it.”

One Saturday, I was hiking in a rain forest in Brazil with this cousin and his four children. We had strayed from the main trail in order to explore, and the miles were adding up. The almost-four-year-old turned to me and said, “This is hard. I need help.”

“What kind of help?” I asked.

“Holding help.”

I picked him up and carried him for a while.

I took hold of my cousin’s response to “I can’t.” It acknowledges the hard we face. It avoids the argument about whether something can or cannot be done. It supplies a solution.

Do you need holding help for your hard? Does someone need your holding help for their hard?

Family, Friendship

Let’s Let Others Repent

May 27th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
Romans 3:23 ESV

There are things I hesitate to share because friends and family immediately disagree. They are wrong, and I have become unwilling for them to negate truths.

When I say, “I was too busy with outside activities when my children were younger,” the response is “You did the best you could.”

Did I? Not regularly.

When I say, “I’m inattentive to relatives,” or “I’m not generous,” the response is “That’s not true.”

Am I attentive and generous? Not enough.

Years ago, I witnessed a woman confess her failings. I had been affected by her sin. She needed to repent. This moment could have been healing and helped her move forward, but three close friends immediately negated her honest statements.

These friends had not witnessed her behavior. They wanted to affirm her by denying her imperfections. The woman who confessed did not feel affirmed. She felt frustrated and misunderstood. Being accepted with full knowledge of her imperfections would have affirmed her.

Why do we find it hard—even impossible—to let our family and friends repent?