Parenting | Page 16 of 23

Allowing Space to Grow

August 15th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I dislike gaps in my flower beds. Therefore, I never planted my marigold seedlings the recommended distance apart—eight to ten inches for French marigolds and a full twelve inches for African marigolds. I learned the error of my ways when I passed marigolds beside a city sidewalk. One seedling had grown into a small bush. I checked. One stalk.

Disliking gaps—especially while raising children—my husband and I crowded activities into our lives the same way I jammed marigolds into the small, soil patch at the top of our driveway.

Some academic years, I added too many subjects. I assured my husband I would find a way to make everything fit. I never did.

I wish I had known how much space was realistically needed for my flowers and my family and myself.

I enjoyed a variety of little blooms, but when I desired deep roots and tall flowers, I should have given more space—more than I imagined.

How many inches do you need this academic year?

Family, Parenting

Daily Faithfulness

August 2nd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

Her children rise up and call her blessed: … Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.
Proverbs 31:28-29

My step-grandmother—the Mollie who inspired my pseudonym—was born this day 120 years ago. This photograph shows her essence.

Mollie only went through fifth grade because she was needed at home to cook, clean, and watch siblings. She became a stepmother to three rowdy boys before she had her own daughter. One uncle repeatedly said she saved his life with her counsel and love.

My father and his brothers with Mollie (top left) c. 1936

My father took his last Navy paycheck to buy his mother an electric stove to replace her wood-burning one. She wept.

Mollie did not play with grandchildren, and she was too poor to buy presents. However, she gave us much more with her godly example and love and stories and laughter.

When my grandmother passed, there were so many orders for flowers that one local florist called a distant city for help. My favorite tribute?

Mollie never did anything big according to worldly standards. However, she did the small things daily, and daily faithfulness is harder.”

Book Recommendations, Parenting

Protect the Colts

June 27th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

While playing with peers, my sons were exposed to inappropriate, harmful behavior. My husband and I made the hard—yet easy—decision that there must be adult supervision when our boys were with a certain child.

The day after we explained our unpopular stance, we providentially read aloud Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder. Young Almanzo wanted to train the two-year-old colts, but his father said,

A boy who didn’t know any better might scare a young horse, or tease it, or even strike it … It would learn to bite and kick and hate people.

When Almanzo persisted chapters later, he was told,

In five minutes you can teach them tricks it will take me months to gentle out of them.

Eventually, Almanzo went too near the colts. His father repeated his warnings.

That’s too good a colt to be spoiled. I won’t have you teaching tricks that I’ll have to train out of it.

We were accused of being overprotective, of taking mischief too seriously. We knew it was deeper. Unexpectedly reading Wilder’s words—written over fifty years earlier—was encouraging. How much more valuable were boys than colts.

Have you received parenting encouragement from an unexpected source?

Parenting

Do You need a Mediator?

May 30th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

As our children age, their sharing with us shrinks, and our need to understand them grows. Misunderstandings mount from lack of communication. They want freedoms we aren’t ready to give, and resulting arguments weary us.

How do we break barriers and listen to each other? One son initiated a method that I later learned was common. He brought in his teddy bear as a mediator.

One evening, Teddy* came and said, “Grandperson, Bob* is upset with you?”

“Why?” I asked.

“He thinks you are unfair.”

“How am I unfair?”

The conversation continued as we patiently listened to each other.

Teddy, our mediator, had a disarming voice and a sweet way of saying Grandperson.

A friend tried this with her son and reported, “It works because you can’t fuss at a teddy bear, and it doesn’t fuss back.”

I shared my experience with another friend. “It is not a new trick,” she said, “but I am always amazed that it works.”

Was this a gimmick? I don’t think so. I think it was a way of breaking bad communication patterns. Variety helped us listen carefully because talking through a teddy bear was unpredictable. And fun.

*Pseudonyms.

What listening techniques have you explored?

Book Recommendations, Parenting

Guitar Notes by Mary Amato (Reprise)

May 23rd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

One of my favorite novels has characters who lie, sneak around, and steal. As their lives unfold, we learn their behavior is because they are angry, wounded teens who can’t communicate their pain.

Even though the writing is superb—actually I think it is brilliant at points—Guitar Notes by Amato would not be a favorite if the responsible adults were portrayed as the bad guys. Early in the book, the discerning reader knows that caring parents and teachers are doing what they think is best for the children—given their limited understanding.

Do not be deceived. Your children are carrying hidden pain because it is inescapable in this fallen world. It helps all to read and discuss books with messy relationships. However, I believe that the story’s resolution should not condone or reward bad behavior, or ridicule or punish good behavior. That is one of my tests for what is acceptable—not the honest, raw conflict along the way.

How have you set standards for your family’s reading?