Category: Relationships

So, what are you making for dinner tonight?

I used to think that the closeness of women could be measured by their sharing of worries or ambitions or secrets. Or supporting each other during times of crisis. These do occur among friends. However, we’ve all read stories about people rescuing strangers during a flood or dropping groceries on a stranger’s doorstep. And people have said they couldn’t believe that the person beside them on a plane told them about their abusive marriage. However, only those closest to me have asked, “So, what are you making for dinner tonight?”

Along the way, I learned that the closest of friends discuss the mundane.

The children spilled a drink in the back seat.

I took seven bags to the thrift store yesterday.

The strap on my sandal broke.

Let me tell you about my crazy dream.

I gained back nine pounds.

Have you bought your Thanksgiving turkey?

Are your daffodils blooming?

I have heard or said all the above—but none with strangers.

Someday I will be remembered for the phone calls I never made.

Yoko Ono

I spend hours on the phone. My husband jokes about my phone ministry, which makes me feel better about time that used to feel wasted. Along the way, I learned that heartfelt phone calls are never a waste of time, even if the conversations seem trivial.

My negative perception of phone calls was a result of too many hours trapped listening to slander or complaints about unimportant matters or complaints about situations a person was unwilling to change. I should have hung up.

My opinion changed after a friend lamented that she had not cleaned her closet that day because she had spent time chatting with her daughter and daughter-in-law on the phone. However, the conversations she described seemed more valuable than a clean closet.

My friend’s email reminded me to focus on the blessing and joy phone calls can bring and not the items on my to-do list.

Certain types of intimacy emerge on a phone call that might never occur if you were sitting right next to the other person.

Errol Morris Film Director

And we urge you brothers to admonish the idle, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with them all.

I Thessalonians 5: 14 (ESV)

My usual response when friends and family struggled aligned with 1Thessalonians 5:14. I’m wired to encourage and help.

Along the way, I’m learning that a different response may be most beneficial.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.

Romans 12:15 (ESV)

During the winter, I was devastated when people close to our family attempted to take advantage of us—with hugs and smiles thrown in for good measure. The most helpful words were “That was awful. I’m mad too,” followed by the reminder that it was their pattern.

This spring, when I experienced a serious health challenge, “You’ll heal and be fine” did not encourage. I did heal, and I am fine, but at the time, mourning and prayers were the balm I needed.

As a dear friend walks a difficult road, she needs help and encouragement, but now I understand how much she needs me to weep with her.