What happens if your friend lives 200 miles away, but both of you think the distance is 100 miles, and you agree to meet halfway?
What happens if you both decide to drive another twenty-five miles after not seeing each other at the fifty-mile mark?
What happens if you both decide to drive another fifteen miles before giving up?
You will never meet your friend, but both of you will think that the other reneged. You will think you gave 90% while your friend did not give 10%. The relationship will be damaged.
I heard this illustration when I was newly married. I was working full-time and working on my doctoral dissertation part time. My husband was working part time and writing his doctoral dissertation full-time. The gap between our actual free time—for family, friends and volunteering—and our perceived free time was large.
While a map can settle location misperceptions, it can’t prove time, emotional or ability gaps. The only solution is extending goodwill. These days, as I give my “90%” and lament others’ lack of “10%,” I try to remember that I am probably misinformed.
Have you tired of giving your “90%” while others give their “10%”?
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