Relationships | Page 4 of 8

It’s the Little Things That Matter #1

September 21st, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I feel like crying as I write this. Truthfully, I’m tearing up—over a photo. Or more accurately, what that photo meant to someone.

In 2019, I snapped a photo of two women standing with my son. It was both spur of the moment and posed. I printed two copies and mailed one to each woman. Last week, one of the women passed at the age of 102. That photo was found in her Bible, and her daughter said the photo was of the few things she took with her when she moved to receive fulltime care.

There was much to love about that photo. L was not only standing with her pastor, but also with the friend who drove her to church each week. Part of the church building, which she could no longer enter once she became frailer, was visible. It was also a momentous occasion. It was the day that my son, who had been on staff for almost two years, was officially installed as the church’s pastor.

I almost didn’t take the photo. I wondered if I should mail it. However, those little actions mattered more than I knew, until now.

Homeschooling, Parenting, Relationships

Underestimating the Gap

September 7th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

What happens if your friend lives 200 miles away, but both of you think the distance is 100 miles, and you agree to meet halfway?

What happens if you both decide to drive another twenty-five miles after not seeing each other at the fifty-mile mark?

What happens if you both decide to drive another fifteen miles before giving up?

You will never meet your friend, but both of you will think that the other reneged. You will think you gave 90% while your friend did not give 10%. The relationship will be damaged.

I heard this illustration when I was newly married. I was working full-time and working on my doctoral dissertation part time. My husband was working part time and writing his doctoral dissertation full-time. The gap between our actual free time—for family, friends and volunteering—and our perceived free time was large.

While a map can settle location misperceptions, it can’t prove time, emotional or ability gaps. The only solution is extending goodwill. These days, as I give my “90%” and lament others’ lack of “10%,” I try to remember that I am probably misinformed.

Have you tired of giving your “90%” while others give their “10%”?

Relationships

A Measure of Friendship

August 17th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

So, what are you making for dinner tonight?

I used to think that the closeness of women could be measured by their sharing of worries or ambitions or secrets. Or supporting each other during times of crisis. These do occur among friends. However, we’ve all read stories about people rescuing strangers during a flood or dropping groceries on a stranger’s doorstep. And people have said they couldn’t believe that the person beside them on a plane told them about their abusive marriage. However, only those closest to me have asked, “So, what are you making for dinner tonight?”

Along the way, I learned that the closest of friends discuss the mundane.

The children spilled a drink in the back seat.

I took seven bags to the thrift store yesterday.

The strap on my sandal broke.

Let me tell you about my crazy dream.

I gained back nine pounds.

Have you bought your Thanksgiving turkey?

Are your daffodils blooming?

I have heard or said all the above—but none with strangers.

So, what are you making for dinner tonight?

Relationships

Phone Ministry

August 3rd, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Someday I will be remembered for the phone calls I never made.
Yoko Ono

I spend hours on the phone. My husband jokes about my phone ministry, which makes me feel better about time that used to feel wasted. Along the way, I learned that heartfelt phone calls are never a waste of time, even if the conversations seem trivial.

My negative perception of phone calls was a result of too many hours trapped listening to slander or complaints about unimportant matters or complaints about situations a person was unwilling to change. I should have hung up.

My opinion changed after a friend lamented that she had not cleaned her closet that day because she had spent time chatting with her daughter and daughter-in-law on the phone. However, the conversations she described seemed more valuable than a clean closet.

My friend’s email reminded me to focus on the blessing and joy phone calls can bring and not the items on my to-do list.

Certain types of intimacy emerge on a phone call that might never occur if you were sitting right next to the other person.
Errol Morris Film Director

Thank you, Friends, for calling me and taking my calls.

Friendship, Relationships

The Sisters Who Stayed Sisters

July 27th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.
Romans 12:10 (ESV)

The Cox sisters with their mother (1955)

Next Sunday is National Sisters’ Day. From my earliest years, “sisterly affection” and “outdoing one another in showing honor” were modeled by my grandmother and great-aunts. These women were exemplary sisters.

The three shared their childhood city for almost ninety years, and although they differed in personalities and circumstances, they remained loving sisters. Through the challenges of caring for a mother with Altheimer’s, they remained loving sisters. Settling an estate without a written will did not test their bond but rather proved it. The court said there had never been such a harmonious settlement without a will.

While in their 80s, the three sisters met for lunch every Wednesday. Aunt Dottie and Aunt Frances shared a cab to my grandmother’s house. From the stories I heard, there was more laughter than food, although there was plenty of food. When declining health forced them to live in separate states, they stayed sisters, calling daily.

There were disagreements. Occasionally, my grandmother wished a sister would “mind her own business.” However, all agreed that sisterhood reigned.

May God bless my sister.