100 Words

Advice Versus Experience

November 8th, 2025
Mollie T. Cox

I don’t believe in advice. I offer experience and hope.
Tracee Ellis Ross

I don’t believe much in advice either, Tracee. Along the way, I’ve received too much from people who have no knowledge or have never walked in my footsteps. (I remember both the humor and the hurt from those situations.)

I’m also guilty. Long ago and far away, I chose a new homeschool curricula. It was computer based and made my life easier while my family cared for my mother. Within weeks, I was recommending my discovery to other families. By the end of the year, I was pointing out the curricula’s faults and giving different advice. My friends needed my seasoned experience—not my untested advice.

Even seasoned experience has not stopped others or me from giving and receiving bad advice.

What do I wish we all knew before sharing experiences and offering hope? To ask questions first to see our experiences are helpful.

Never miss a good chance to shut up. Will Rogers

Decisions, Priorities

Emptying My Accounts

November 1st, 2025
Mollie T. Cox

I thought I’d never let my account get down to zero. I certainly wouldn’t have an overdraft—except that is what I did this year and last. I did it generously and without considering the consequences because the needs of those around me were great. I also didn’t know the needs would be ongoing.

I’m not talking about my bank account because I do understand future expenses and unexpected emergencies. I’m talking about my physical and emotional reserves. In some ways, emptying my well-being account is worse. One son regularly reminds me that my health is my greatest asset.

I didn’t consider budgeting my energy—in all forms—because I underestimated how hard replenishment would be and how quickly I would need a positive balance.

Why did I know not to spend all my money helping others with their emergencies and yet not show healthy restraint with regard to spending myself? Perhaps I was too optimistic that crises would resolve? Perhaps the lack of experience of being in my sixties?

I’m learning. I’m also learning the truth of the quote below.

Help someone, you earn a friend. Help someone too much, you make an enemy.
Erol Ozan

Homeschooling, Parenting

Unhappy Happiness

October 25th, 2025
Mollie T. Cox

A parent’s job is never to make their kids happy or smooth every bump in the road… Children learn by messing up, getting frustrated, and not getting their own way.
Becky Kennedy, Mom and Clinical Psychologist

Thank you, Becky Kennedy, for standing up for what I believe—something I understand more after seeing the unhappiness that comes from making children happy.

I’m hurting these days. As I teach and prepare lessons for my eager-to-learn students, I think of certain children I love and wish I could teach. I can’t. Why? Their mothers are absorbed in making sure they are continually happy. Therefore, they are academically behind, socially impaired, and often unpleasant to be around.

Otherwise, they are great kids. or could be if their moms didn’t try to keep them happy at all costs—costs which fall on parents, siblings, neighbors, and the teachers who are required to teach them.

As the mother of adult children and the friend of many mothers of adult children, here is what I’ve learned along the way. Even if you should make children happy, it is impossible. The only path is to do what is best for them—which rarely involves happiness.

Book Recommendations, Relationships

Sometimes, It’s Best Not To Ask

October 18th, 2025
Mollie T. Cox

‘How are you, Mary?’ said Sanborn’s mother …

‘Fine.’ said Henry’s mother …

They pulled away …

‘Fine?’ said Henry.

‘Well, what should I tell her? his mother said quickly ‘That I sat in my son’s hospital room for six hours, and he didn’t move once?’
Trouble by Gary D. Schmidt

Trouble by Gary D. Schmist is one of my favorite books. I enjoy the deep characters and well-constructed plot, but I can say that about many books. As I said in an earlier post, (see here), I learned the perspective of people overwhelmed with circumstances and grief. The reply “Fine” means “Please don’t ask questions I can’t or don’t want to answer.”

Asking questions seems the caring, sensitive thing for friends and family to do. However, as a relative currently walks through hard times, she sees these questions as intrusive and depressing. I’ve heard others in difficult circumstances say the same. They prefer that people wait for information to be volunteered.

What words can be said while we wait?

I love you.

You are in my thoughts.

I’m praying for you.

Is there anything specific I can do to help right now?

May God grant us much wisdom.

Family

Family Language

October 11th, 2025
Mollie T. Cox

Familect: the memory and meaning in our weird, family-specific, words often born of the wild minds of children.
Caitlin Gibson, The Washinton Post. September 3, 2025

Along the way, actually last month, I learned the word familect.

While not knowing the definition of familect, I experienced its beginnings over thirty-five years ago. My middle son asked for up-lups at bedtime. When my husband and I had no idea what he wanted and told him so, our son became more insistent. Finally, my husband said, “Show us the up-lups.”

I vividly remember the little finger pointing as my husband carried him down our long hall until the finger pointed to our 1950s pink-tiled bathroom and finally the bathroom cabinet. My husband opened the cabinet, and my son pointed to a bag of cough drops. My husband pulled them out, and our one-year-old helped himself.

We’ve moved beyond smashed potatoes and pupcakes aka cupcakes, but up-lups have remained. And, as Gibson says in her article, familect is a sweet reminder of the simpler days. For our family, it’s when our now-grown son wore red short overalls and was beginning to walk.

May your familect bond and bless your family.