Author: Mollie T. Cox

Memories

I Want to Know I Can Go Back

October 5th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I usually leave a place making plans to return. (Just ask my husband.) Boston, Halifax, Ipanema, New York City, Niagara Falls, the Rock of Gibraltar as well as lesser-known Chimney Rock, Black Mountain, and Bryson City—especially Bryson City.

The last three cities were not only the most realistic for another visit, but also the most obscure until Hurricane Helene’s devastation. Black Mountain made The Today Show. The Mayor of Asheville began to weep during her interview as she spoke of the damage to the town where she lived.

On Chimney Rock lookout with Lake Lure below (2014)

As I write this, Lake Lure is a field of debris.

I texted a friend “Thankfully, Bryson City only sustained significant damage from flooding.” Before Helene, I would not have considered “significant damage from flooding” good news.

I may never go back to the places I listed. I no longer carry the hope that they are waiting for me—as happy and well as I left them. Two friends emailed that they would pray for me as I grieved the loss.

Have you lost a place?

Decisions, Relationships

It’s The Little Things That Matter #2

September 28th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Last week, I wrote about the lasting impact of a snapshot. (See here.) It was the result of three small decisions I made—taking, printing, and sending. However, someone else’s decisions made the moment possible.

A and L told me they would not be at the evening church service because A did not drive at night. I liked these women, and they expressed disappointment at missing the installation service. Therefore, I was sad about their situation, and then, delightfully surprised to see them appear.

What made it possible for A and L to be at church after dark? An elder in the church called and did more than offer a ride. He chose words that were inclusive, welcoming. He said, “My wife and I will pick you up at 6:30.” He implied that their presence was a given and not an imposition.

Why don’t we do more of the little things? Because, although actions may seem “little,” they are time consuming. Who wants to waste valuable time on something that, on the surface, seems “little?”

Along the way, I am learning that the “little things” are remembered the most.

Have “little things” impacted your life?

Memories, Relationships

It’s the Little Things That Matter #1

September 21st, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I feel like crying as I write this. Truthfully, I’m tearing up—over a photo. Or more accurately, what that photo meant to someone.

In 2019, I snapped a photo of two women standing with my son. It was both spur of the moment and posed. I printed two copies and mailed one to each woman. Last week, one of the women passed at the age of 102. That photo was found in her Bible, and her daughter said the photo was of the few things she took with her when she moved to receive fulltime care.

There was much to love about that photo. L was not only standing with her pastor, but also with the friend who drove her to church each week. Part of the church building, which she could no longer enter once she became frailer, was visible. It was also a momentous occasion. It was the day that my son, who had been on staff for almost two years, was officially installed as the church’s pastor.

I almost didn’t take the photo. I wondered if I should mail it. However, those little actions mattered more than I knew, until now.

Parenting

Emergencies: Break The Rules

September 14th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I prepared my sons for emergencies. We practiced fire drills, which included climbing out of their second-story bedrooms using an escape ladder. They wore a lanyard with a whistle when we shopped in crowds, or they went to the men’s room alone.

Along the way, I told them that in emergencies, we break the rules—obvious to adults but not to children.

My boys were to use their judgement and not listen to an older relative who lived with us. That was a hard one.

They were to abandon any possession, especially if they needed to run. Children have been hurt because they were drilled to take care of schoolbooks and bikes.

They were allowed to break anything that stood in their way.

After my sons were grown, I learned tips that I wish I had known.

When escaping with children, have them hold your belt or shirt so you don’t waste time checking on them.

Give specific instructions, such as “Run to the Wal-Mart greeter” rather than “Run.”

Children are silent when drowning—not like television.

As school activities resume, I need to remind the children in my life to break the rules.

Do you have a tip?

Homeschooling, Parenting, Relationships

Underestimating the Gap

September 7th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

What happens if your friend lives 200 miles away, but both of you think the distance is 100 miles, and you agree to meet halfway?

What happens if you both decide to drive another twenty-five miles after not seeing each other at the fifty-mile mark?

What happens if you both decide to drive another fifteen miles before giving up?

You will never meet your friend, but both of you will think that the other reneged. You will think you gave 90% while your friend did not give 10%. The relationship will be damaged.

I heard this illustration when I was newly married. I was working full-time and working on my doctoral dissertation part time. My husband was working part time and writing his doctoral dissertation full-time. The gap between our actual free time—for family, friends and volunteering—and our perceived free time was large.

While a map can settle location misperceptions, it can’t prove time, emotional or ability gaps. The only solution is extending goodwill. These days, as I give my “90%” and lament others’ lack of “10%,” I try to remember that I am probably misinformed.

Have you tired of giving your “90%” while others give their “10%”?