Homeschooling, Parenting

Unhappy Happiness

A parent’s job is never to make their kids happy or smooth every bump in the road… Children learn by messing up, getting frustrated, and not getting their own way.

Becky Kennedy, Mom and Clinical Psychologist

Thank you, Becky Kennedy, for standing up for what I believe—something I understand more after seeing the unhappiness that comes from making children happy.

I’m hurting these days. As I teach and prepare lessons for my eager-to-learn students, I think of certain children I love and wish I could teach. I can’t. Why? Their mothers are absorbed in making sure they are continually happy. Therefore, they are academically behind, socially impaired, and often unpleasant to be around.

Otherwise, they are great kids. or could be if their moms didn’t try to keep them happy at all costs—costs which fall on parents, siblings, neighbors, and the teachers who are required to teach them.

As the mother of adult children and the friend of many mothers of adult children, here is what I’ve learned along the way. Even if you should make children happy, it is impossible. The only path is to do what is best for them—which rarely involves happiness.

Book Recommendations, Relationships

Sometimes, It’s Best Not To Ask

‘How are you, Mary?’ said Sanborn’s mother

‘Fine.’ said Henry’s mother …

They pulled away …

‘Fine?’ said Henry.

‘Well, what should I tell her? his mother said quickly ‘That I sat in my son’s hospital room for six hours, and he didn’t move once?’

Trouble by Gary D. Schmidt

Trouble by Gary D. Schmist is one of my favorite books. I enjoy the deep characters and well-constructed plot, but I can say that about many books. As I said in an earlier post, (see here), I learned the perspective of people overwhelmed with circumstances and grief. The reply “Fine” means “Please don’t ask questions I can’t or don’t want to answer.”

Asking questions seems the caring, sensitive thing for friends and family to do. However, as a relative currently walks through hard times, she sees these questions as intrusive and depressing. I’ve heard others in difficult circumstances say the same. They prefer that people wait for information to be volunteered.

What words can be said while we wait?

I love you.

You are in my thoughts.

I’m praying for you.

Is there anything specific I can do to help right now?

May God grant us much wisdom.

Family

Family Language

Familect: the memory and meaning in our weird, family-specific, words often born of the wild minds of children.

Caitlin Gibson, The Washinton Post. September 3, 2025

Along the way, actually last month, I learned the word familect.

While not knowing the definition of familect, I experienced its beginnings over thirty-five years ago. My middle son asked for up-lups at bedtime. When my husband and I had no idea what he wanted and told him so, our son became more insistent. Finally, my husband said, “Show us the up-lups.”

I vividly remember the little finger pointing as my husband carried him down our long hall until the finger pointed to our 1950s pink-tiled bathroom and finally the bathroom cabinet. My husband opened the cabinet, and my son pointed to a bag of cough drops. My husband pulled them out, and our one-year-old helped himself.

We’ve moved beyond smashed potatoes and pupcakes aka cupcakes, but up-lups have remained. And, as Gibson says in her article, familect is a sweet reminder of the simpler days. For our family, it’s when our now-grown son wore red short overalls and was beginning to walk.

May your familect bond and bless your family.

God's Faithfulness, Relationships

God’s Truthfulness

God is not man, that he should lie, or a son of man, that he should change his mind.

Numbers 23:19a (ESV)

These days, what I’m learning along the way is a deeper appreciation of God’s attributes. (See here and here.)

I spent too much time around a couple of liars. Charming little liars who can tell lies that seem plausible. They’ve not only kept me guessing which course to take but have also convinced others to take the wrong course. Troubled has abounded.

Of course, God doesn’t keep me guessing if he is telling the truth or convince me to take the wrong course. I’ve known that so long that I take God’s truthfulness for granted. However, as I experienced the opposite too many times for too many days, my appreciation for God’s character was awakened and deepened.

As my concern and frustration were laughed off—apparently, telling lies is an innocent, routine way of having fun—I also appreciated that God takes truth seriously.

The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy. Proverbs 12:22 (ESV)

Decisions, Priorities

What Should We Do?

Our family has been swirling in activity since the beginning days of 2025. Why? Because crisis after crisis erupted. We asked,

What can we do to help?

when the proper question was

What should we do to help?

It’s hard to think about personal limitations and setting long-term expectations when loved ones are drowning, but as my husband was taught in a lifeguarding class, a drowning person’s first instinct is to drown the rescuer.

As the year ages, we’ve been able to escape with our much wiser lives and realize “can” does not mean “should.” It’s easier to back off when the stakes are low, but as we, friends, and relatives age, the stakes become higher.

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice and to love kindness and to walk humbly with you God? Micah 6:8