Money, Parenting

Best Use of Our Dollars

How often have you lied to your children by saying, “We can’t afford it?” Never?  I thought so until my children called me on it. (I thought the same about my parents, but I kept my mouth closed.)

Most of the time, we can afford most of our children’s requests. “We can’t afford a new computer,” we say and then we buy a new lawn mower.  We didn’t lie, we protest. Yes, we did. We could have afforded the computer by not buying the lawn mower. When our food budget was stretched, we could have afforded the cookies by putting back the milk.

I learned to say—but not often enough—“Cookies are not the best use of our food dollars.” “Name brand jeans are not the best use of our clothing dollars.”  “Bringing homemade sandwiches to eat at a rest area instead of buying fast food is a better use of our vacation dollars.”

“Better or best use of our dollars” not only speaks truth—given our adult preferences—but re-enforces scarcity, a concept even a small child can understand.

Do you have alternative words for “We can’t afford it?

Homeschooling, Parenting

I Need Holding Help

For weeks, I listened to a tough, tender, former Army Ranger instruct his children.  “Do not say, ‘I can’t.’ Instead, say, ‘This is hard. I need help.'”  He drilled his children. “Yes, you can. It may be hard. You may need help, but you can do it.”

One Saturday, I was hiking a rain forest in Brazil with this cousin and his four children. We had strayed from the main trail in order to explore, and the miles were adding up. The almost-four-year-old turned to me and said, “This is hard. I need help.”

“What kind of help?” I asked.

“Holding help.”

I picked him up and carried him for a while.

I took hold of my cousin’s response to “I can’t.” It acknowledges the hard we face. It avoids the argument about whether something can or cannot be done. It supplies a solution.

Trails in Guaratiba, Brazil where my cousin’s preschool son required “Holding Help.” (I am in the pink top.)

Do you need holding help for your hard? Does someone need your holding help for their hard?

Parenting

Photos: Overlooked Clues

My children’s scrapbooks chronicled almost two decades.  What a relief to finish. Not! I didn’t have my own record of those years.

Where was I to start with the leftovers—both mine and many acquired after my grandparents passed and other relatives downsized? Arranging chronologically was not possible with that jumble. I chose thematically.

I sorted photos into envelopes. “A” was for art and aircraft. “B” was for beach and bikes. “Y” was only for yards until I found a yawning newborn. Looking for yawns, I noticed two newborn sons yawned the day they left the hospital. The other yawned the day he was born. Was their new life sleepy or boring?

Thematically sorting photos revealed significant information.  “W” was for workshop. One son was building frequently in his dad’s workshop.  I would have guessed another son. “G” was for games. One son didn’t embrace particular games. “H” was for hugs—enough for multiple pages.  I hadn’t remembered such affection among my preschoolers.

Along the way, I learned to study photos—more precise than memories—for clues.  I wish I had known to think thematically about our photos when my boys were younger.

Any unexpected revelations in your photo collection?

Parenting

Mundane Rules (Reprise)

What will you do in the mundane days of faithfulness?

Martin Luther

Along the way, I learned that day-to-day life matters more and will be remembered more than elaborate vacations, carefully planned birthday parties, science fairs, team sports, and field trips. See Mundane Rules Here

For my five-year-old cousin, being met at the school bus and waiting for the school bus outweighed special adventures.

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.

Mother Teresa

Homeschooling, Parenting

Mundane Rules

I asked my five-year-old cousin what was his favorite part of my visit to his home in Louisiana. His answer? “You waiting for me when I got off the school bus.”

Three years later, he was asked his favorite times with his mother who was dying of cancer.  His answer? “Mommy playing games with me while we waited for the school bus.” His favorite game involved counting colors of passing cars.

Being met at the school bus. Waiting for the school bus. Both outweighed adventures such as sunset boat rides, trips to Avery Island to watch alligators, and playing on the ever-changing beach of Rio de Janeiro.

How are these answers relevant to parenting and educating our children? Along the way, I learned that day-to-day life matters more and will be remembered more than elaborate vacations, carefully planned birthday parties, science fairs, team sports, and field trips. The mundane stays in our children’s memories because of the repetition and the emotions attached.  I wish I had known earlier to make the most of the smaller moments.  Mundane rules, which can be very good news.

Which mundane moments are your favorites?