Category: Parenting

Parenting

Goals: Wishing, Practical, Backup

July 12th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

My sons had not only graduated high school, but also college, when I heard thoughtful, helpful advice about goals.  A cousin’s college goals were too ambitious, but we never want to discourage big dreams, do we? God can make them happen if it’s his will.

My cousin’s guidance counselor told her to have three college goals: a wishing goal, a practical goal, and a backup goal.  The vocabulary reflected reality, not judgment.

Wishing should be encouraged. Practical is important. Having a backup means you have planned well.

Thinking about wishing, practical, and backup goals showed me another truth. Wishes can soar higher when you have two nets to catch you: practical and backup.

While raising children, I wish I had known this excellent way to encourage our collective and individual dreams and yet ground our hopes.

One of my wishing goals was met: Mt. Denali, Alaska, June 2013. Our guide estimated that only 10% of tourists view the mountain due to prevalent clouds. (Advertisements say 30%.) This photo was taken at the moment I was closest to North America’s highest point.

Any new wishing goals while considering practical and back-up ones?

Money, Parenting

Best Use of Our Dollars

July 5th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

How often have you lied to your children by saying, “We can’t afford it?” Never?  I thought so until my children called me on it. (I thought the same about my parents, but I kept my mouth closed.)

Most of the time, we can afford most of our children’s requests. “We can’t afford a new computer,” we say and then we buy a new lawn mower.  We didn’t lie, we protest. Yes, we did. We could have afforded the computer by not buying the lawn mower. When our food budget was stretched, we could have afforded the cookies by putting back the milk.

I learned to say—but not often enough—“Cookies are not the best use of our food dollars.” “Name brand jeans are not the best use of our clothing dollars.”  “Bringing homemade sandwiches to eat at a rest area instead of buying fast food is a better use of our vacation dollars.”

“Better or best use of our dollars” not only speaks truth—given our adult preferences—but re-enforces scarcity, a concept even a small child can understand.

Do you have alternative words for “We can’t afford it?

Homeschooling, Parenting

I Need Holding Help

June 21st, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

For weeks, I listened to a tough, tender, former Army Ranger instruct his children.  “Do not say, ‘I can’t.’ Instead, say, ‘This is hard. I need help.'”  He drilled his children. “Yes, you can. It may be hard. You may need help, but you can do it.”

One Saturday, I was hiking a rain forest in Brazil with this cousin and his four children. We had strayed from the main trail in order to explore, and the miles were adding up. The almost-four-year-old turned to me and said, “This is hard. I need help.”

“What kind of help?” I asked.

“Holding help.”

I picked him up and carried him for a while.

I took hold of my cousin’s response to “I can’t.” It acknowledges the hard we face. It avoids the argument about whether something can or cannot be done. It supplies a solution.

Trails in Guaratiba, Brazil where my cousin’s preschool son required “Holding Help.” (I am in the pink top.)

Do you need holding help for your hard? Does someone need your holding help for their hard?

Parenting

Photos: Overlooked Clues

June 14th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

My children’s scrapbooks chronicled almost two decades.  What a relief to finish. Not! I didn’t have my own record of those years.

Where was I to start with the leftovers—both mine and many acquired after my grandparents passed and other relatives downsized? Arranging chronologically was not possible with that jumble. I chose thematically.

I sorted photos into envelopes. “A” was for art and aircraft. “B” was for beach and bikes. “Y” was only for yards until I found a yawning newborn. Looking for yawns, I noticed two newborn sons yawned the day they left the hospital. The other yawned the day he was born. Was their new life sleepy or boring?

Thematically sorting photos revealed significant information.  “W” was for workshop. One son was building frequently in his dad’s workshop.  I would have guessed another son. “G” was for games. One son didn’t embrace particular games. “H” was for hugs—enough for multiple pages.  I hadn’t remembered such affection among my preschoolers.

Along the way, I learned to study photos—more precise than memories—for clues.  I wish I had known to think thematically about our photos when my boys were younger.

Any unexpected revelations in your photo collection?

Parenting

Mundane Rules (Reprise)

June 11th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

What will you do in the mundane days of faithfulness?

Martin Luther

Along the way, I learned that day-to-day life matters more and will be remembered more than elaborate vacations, carefully planned birthday parties, science fairs, team sports, and field trips. See Mundane Rules Here

For my five-year-old cousin, being met at the school bus and waiting for the school bus outweighed special adventures.

Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.

Mother Teresa