Favorites, Friendship

Be The First To Ask For Help *

I had three preschoolers. My nearby friend had four preschoolers. I was overwhelmed many times. She was overwhelmed most of the time. When I ran errands, I occasionally offered to include hers. She always declined, but that changed after I needed mulch.

Potential buyers were coming one afternoon. Our house was for sale in a buyer’s market, and mulch would significantly improve our curb appeal. However, my husband had the car at work the morning my realtor called.

During a quick morning phone conversation, my friend mentioned she was taking all—yes, all four—of her preschoolers shopping at a garden center. At that moment, I was desperate enough to ask for mulch. My friend drove up a couple hours later with three oversized bags, and I immediately spread under our azaleas.

More than mulch, she brought a new attitude. My future offers to help were embraced. I don’t know why. Maybe she realized that adding items to a cart did not impose. Whatever the reason, our friendship grew from my mulch request.

It didn’t stop there. Other friendships grew when I was vulnerable to ask for the help I needed.

Do you need encouragement to accept help?

*Edited and republished for the fifth anniversary of 100words.

Relationships

The Whole Truth Pt. 2

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth under the penalty of law.

Oath for sworn Testimony

Since I wrote about telling the whole truth (see here), I’ve taken the oath and testified in a court of law.

In preparation for testimony, I learned which statements are allowed in the courtroom.

Hearsay is not truth. I cannot testify about what someone else said.

Speculation is not truth. I cannot testify based on my guesses, deductions, or inferences.

I was asked a question about a matter in which expertise was required. I had no expertise and could only speculate, so I declined. I was next asked about my observations and could comply.

Courtroom protocols are worthy of remembering outside the courtroom. (My husband would agree because I do like to speculate.) Equally important, I am more equipped to deal with opinions disguised as facts. (See here.)

That’s hearsay.

That sounds like speculation.

Do you speculate as much as I do? (Of course, to answer, you have to speculate about how much I speculate.)

Relationships

Beware: It May Not Be a Fact

A view or judgement or appraisal formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.

Definition of Opinion

Loved family members have faced a life-changing medical challenge the past two months. What has been one source of their and my stress? People stating their opinions as facts.

I have opinions, and I believe you do, too. We take facts, analyze them, come to conclusions that may or may not be correct, and present them as facts.

Or we substitute our opinion when we believe —or hope—the facts are wrong.

Or we embellish the facts until they become lies. (Eve added her embellishment in the Garden of Eden.)

Current politics desensitized me to pointing out opinions presented as facts. Arguing for truth felt useless. However, during our family’s difficult days, the manipulation or disregarding of truth has caused misinformation and stress that cannot be ignored.

What do I wish I had known? To point out immediately opinions versus facts. What have I learned along the way? To take a hard stand for truthful facts.

Comment is free, but fact is sacred.

C.P. Scott, British Journalist and Publisher

Decisions

Dream Big Dreams? No Thanks.

I’ve got dreams so big they’d scare some people.

Dolly Parton

As long as your dreams don’t involve me, Dolly, go ahead and chase them. Thinking about orchestrating a big dream crushes me the same way as being encouraged to become a world-changer. (See here.)

The dreams-coming-true parts of my life were gifts from God. Many grew from small undertakings, which required the intervention of others.

Favorite books from childhood were set on Governor’s Island. My husband’s business trip made a wish-come-true visit possible.

I can’t follow the cliche of aiming for the stars in hopes of hitting the moon. Why waste my energy if all I want is the moon. I tell myself that the Wright brothers didn’t attempt a rocket in hopes of settling for an airplane.

I enjoy reading biographies of famous artists and lesser-known scientists. They worked hard and followed their passions. They were grateful for their opportunities and rejoiced when their work was successful. Few dreamed big dreams.

Do you dream big dreams like Dolly?

Lies We Tell, Parenting

You Can Be Anything You Want To Be

I snatched the sticker below as soon as I saw it because I believe we set others up for hardship, and sometimes failure, when we say, “You can be anything you want to be.

Found in an independent bookstore

Taylor Swift’s parents believed she could be anything she wanted to be. They backed her with their wealth, connections, and a move to Nashville when she was thirteen.

Dolly Parton believed she could be anything she wanted to be. Though poor, her family recognized her gifts and sacrificially rallied around her with the skills and connections they did have.

What about the rest of us?

After years of observing, I believe it’s harder and takes longer to accept the reality of limited opportunities or a mismatch of abilities and dreams when parents, teachers, and friends spend years saying, “You can be anything you want to be.”

What am I learning to say when someone shares a dream?

You can be whomever God wants you to be because he will bring the opportunities and equip you.”

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:9 ESV