Friendship

Friendship Is Not Free

November 2nd, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Of course, friendship is not free. Making friends and loving them takes time and effort. Along the way, I’ve learned that friendship has an unforeseen cost.

There is a saying I’ve heard many times, and I’ve lived its truth.

A mother is only as happy as her least happy child.

This past month, I’ve lived the following.

A friend is only as happy as her least happy friend.

October has been a hard month for me because three dear friends have had a hard October. Their lives have been changed, which means, in a lesser way, my life has been changed. We walk our paths together.

I’ve had friends experience hard times in the past, so why am I so bonded to my current friends’ sufferings? Am I wiser and value friendship more? Am I more willing to acknowledge and allow pain in my life instead of shoving it aside? Or something else?

Whichever it is, some days—although I may be content and optimistic and trusting God—I’m only as happy as my least happy friend.

I have no notion of loving people by halves. It’s not in my nature. Jane Austen

God's Faithfulness

One Day, It Will All Make Sense

October 26th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I know the experiences of our lives, when we let God use them, become the mysterious and perfect preparation for the work he will give us to do.

Corrie ten Boom

Some unanticipated events quickly made sense: The two-year temporary job that led to two decades of permanent friendships; the fifteen-minute conversation in the produce section that led to my favorite teaching opportunity; the brochure picked up at a conference—and found two years later—that increased the quality of our sons’ formative years; the unexpected tax bill that led to a salary raise, which was the most surprising.

Joyful experiences!

However, I am still waiting for the explanations of the other type. How will estranged relatives, failing eyesight, broken promises, and suffering friends become “the mysterious and perfect preparation” for the work God has given me? My husband says that lowly hearts understand other lowly hearts.

Jesus answered him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand.

John 13:7 (ESV)

Are you holding onto the promise that, one day, it will all make sense?

Decisions

Learning to Wait

October 19th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Within days of waiting quietly for hours (see here)—and appreciating the experience—I had a chance to practice what I learned about waiting. However, this time, I was in a noisy Walmart instead of a solemn courthouse. This time, I had a to-do list rather than a cleared day. This time, the result of my wait would update a photo album, not help change lives.

An 8×10 photo stapled to its receipt should have been a quick fix except the associate helping me reorder went on an extended break, and then, the printer went into a scheduled 30-minute “cleaning session.”

“Let’s enjoy the wait,” I told my husband who was stuck with me. “Let’s be happy.”

We did, and we were. (He usually is.) We compared the TV screens on display. We observed an associate using his eyeglasses as a Bluetooth device. (Who knew?) We listened to a mother—while uploading photos—preach a fifty-minute sermon to her children. I peeked at a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Can I just tell myself to enjoy waiting? Is it that easy? Can I learn to find the events and people surrounding me interesting, perhaps even entertaining? I guess I’ll see.

Basics

The Peace of Waiting

October 12th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Last month, I spent over four hours in a courthouse with little to do except wait. “Draining,” texted a friend when I let her know the experience was over. “Not too bad,” I replied.

The more I thought about waiting to testify at a hearing, the more I decided the experience was better than “Not bad.” In fact, it was quite nice. My resting heart rate for the day was 50, the lowest of the week.

So, what “little” did I do? Small talk with my husband. Additional small talk with my friend’s father, whom I had just met. Walk down the long, long hall a couple of times to get water but really to peek at an opposing witness. Eat breaded chicken pieces from the courthouse cafeteria. Sit quietly at a table when not performing those small endeavors.

Sitting still in a quiet place is underrated. Solemness and reverence permeated both the place and the few people walking by. So restful.

I am wondering how to replicate—in my daily life—the experience of sitting quietly, reverently, for a peaceful break.

Be still, and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Memories

I Want to Know I Can Go Back

October 5th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

I usually leave a place making plans to return. (Just ask my husband.) Boston, Halifax, Ipanema, New York City, Niagara Falls, the Rock of Gibraltar as well as lesser-known Chimney Rock, Black Mountain, and Bryson City—especially Bryson City.

The last three cities were not only the most realistic for another visit, but also the most obscure until Hurricane Helene’s devastation. Black Mountain made The Today Show. The Mayor of Asheville began to weep during her interview as she spoke of the damage to the town where she lived.

On Chimney Rock lookout with Lake Lure below (2014)

As I write this, Lake Lure is a field of debris.

I texted a friend “Thankfully, Bryson City only sustained significant damage from flooding.” Before Helene, I would not have considered “significant damage from flooding” good news.

I may never go back to the places I listed. I no longer carry the hope that they are waiting for me—as happy and well as I left them. Two friends emailed that they would pray for me as I grieved the loss.

Have you lost a place?