Mollie T. Cox, Author at 100 Words

Emotional Vulnerability

August 2nd, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

A broken washing machine made me realize that I had friends I would impose on and friends I wouldn’t. (See Dirty Laundry Vulnerability Here.)

After I explained the dirty laundry versus non-dirty laundry friend distinction to a dear prayer partner, she replied, “Same goes with your emotional dirty laundry.” During the rest of our conversation, we referred to several prayer items as “emotional dirty laundry.”

I thought about our conversation as I checked off errands that day. I wanted to be the friend that could accept someone’s emotional dirty laundry, even if I couldn’t make it clean. I wanted my friends to know they were safe with me.

More importantly, I wanted to be the mother whom my children saw as safe to handle their emotional dirty laundry. During most of their childhood and adulthood, they only brought me their physical laundry to sort and clean. Focusing on my to-to list—including physical laundry—created barriers to emotional laundry.

Katie and I have been giving each other our emotional dirty laundry for almost three decades. (CHAP Homeschool Convention 2014)

How is your emotional dirty laundry? Giving? Receiving?

Friendship

Dirty Laundry Vulnerability

July 26th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

Occasionally, I would realize that I had subconsciously divided friends into categories. Late one night, my washing machine refused to drain water and forced a new, unexpected division.

I was stuck with towels and flannel nightgowns to wring by hand. The next morning, I asked my neighbor across the street if I could spin the overly wet clothes in her machine. She insisted on drying them as well because she didn’t want me carrying wet clothes home.

Soon, I needed use of a washer. My temporary friend categories became friends you take your dirty laundry to and those you don’t. No one actually refused because I was careful about whom I asked. Some women I allocated to the second category were long-standing friends.

After a few days of imposing, I found that there were different categories. When I mentioned I was awaiting the delivery of new appliances, women who had been in the “No Dirty Laundry” category earnestly, voluntarily offered their machines. They were more flexible and accommodating than I understood. Later, I realized the true division was whom I was willing to be vulnerable with and whom I wasn’t.

Has vulnerability brought you unexpected help?

Homeschooling, Parenting

They Didn’t Do It All

July 19th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

My precious grandmother would have been 110 this year. In 1998, I flew to Tennessee to celebrate her 88th birthday. On the plane, I decided to ask a great-aunt how she juggled raising two daughters with church and community responsibilities. I don’t know why I chose Aunt Dottie. I liked her, but we were not close. Maybe because she was kind, cheerful, patient, modest, long-suffering, and—as an empty nester—she had started a successful home business.

My opportunity was short. I remember the exit of the restaurant parking lot where I started the conversation. I remember how much my grandmother and her sisters were looking forward to the take-out fish dinner we were bringing. More intensely, I remember Aunt Dottie’s answer and what it provoked: vindication and regret.

I didn’t take on additional responsibilities,” she said. “None of us did. We didn’t expect that of each other until our children were older.”

I had wrongly accepted the unrealistic expectations of others and myself. Women have come a long way since Aunt Dottie’s child-raising days, but we have also regressed. I wish I had asked sooner.

Great-aunt Dottie and my grandmother (1998)

Do you have an untapped source for advice?

Basics

Wishing Goals (Reprise)

July 16th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

Pursue your wishing goals. (See Goals: Wishing, Practical, Backup Here)

Many of my wishing goals, such as this website, have been met. Some have taken far less effort and resources than I ever imagined. Some have taken more.

When I was in Brazil in 2013, I wished I could return with my husband. It seemed impossible. However, we did return in 2016, and—as a bonus—one son accompanied us. With the Zika virus in the news, airfares and hotel rates had dropped dramatically. We experienced more than was on my list and some items multiple times. A bonus was that we never saw a mosquito.

Do you have any wishing goals to start pursuing?

Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:4 (ESV)

Parenting

Goals: Wishing, Practical, Backup

July 12th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

My sons had not only graduated high school, but also college, when I heard thoughtful, helpful advice about goals. A cousin’s college goals were too ambitious, but we never want to discourage big dreams, do we? God can make them happen if it’s his will.

My cousin’s guidance counselor told her to have three college goals: a wishing goal, a practical goal, and a backup goal. The vocabulary reflected reality, not judgment.

Wishing should be encouraged. Practical is important. Having a backup means you have planned well.

Thinking about wishing, practical, and backup goals showed me another truth. Wishes can soar higher when you have two nets to catch you: practical and backup.

While raising children, I wish I had known this excellent way to encourage our collective and individual dreams and yet ground our hopes.

One of my wishing goals was met: Mt. Denali, Alaska, June 2013. Our guide estimated that only 10% of tourists view the mountain due to prevalent clouds. (Advertisements say 30%.) This photo was taken at the moment I was closest to North America’s highest point.

Any new wishing goals while considering practical and back-up ones?