Author: Mollie T. Cox

Family, Friendship, Parenting

As Much As You Are Loved

August 22nd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

“You are not behaving like someone who is loved as much as you are loved.”

After my boys were in college, I heard this response to a child’s behavior. I forgot the source, but not the sentence.

Along the way, I decided that while the sentence is a powerful response to behavior, it is not helpful for change, unless followed by a second question. “Why?”

Why do people, especially our children, not behave like someone who is loved as much as they are loved? I have pondered that even more as grown children express their frustrations. I have two answers

We are either not showing love or they are not feeling the love we are showing. I suspect the latter most often.

Are you feeling loved?

Decisions, Homeschooling, Parenting

Allowing Space to Grow

August 15th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I dislike gaps in my flower beds. Therefore, I never planted my marigold seedlings the recommended distance apart—eight to ten inches for French marigolds and a full twelve inches for African marigolds.  I learned the error of my ways when I passed marigolds beside a city sidewalk. One seedling had grown into a small bush. I checked. One stalk.

Room to thrive. September 2019

Disliking gaps—especially while raising children—my husband and I crowded activities into our lives the same way I jammed marigolds into the small, soil patch at the top of our driveway.

Some academic years, I added too many subjects. I assured my husband I would find a way to make everything fit. I never did.

I wish I had known how much space was realistically needed for my flowers and my family and myself.

I enjoyed a variety of little blooms, but when I desired deep roots and tall flowers, I should have given more space—more than I imagined.

How many inches do you need this academic year?

Decisions, Homeschooling

Considering Quitting? Relationships Rule

August 8th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

Along the way, I learned that quitting homeschooling was one of the hardest and most emotional decisions families made. Leaving a loved, traditional school in order to homeschool was also hard.

My children’s relationships with God and our family were primary, not educational choices. Our family chose homeschooling because we believed it was our best fit. However, too many times, this choice hindered my husband and me from being the dad and mom our children needed. I watched other families experience the same.

What my sons were taught didn’t matter if they weren’t listening or were too were wounded to listen.

I witnessed marriages struggling because of educational choices. I watched families hesitate to leave extracurricular activities when they needed more space in their lives. And less structure. And more family time, which could never be regained once lost.

In making decisions to quit a course—and perhaps start a new one—I wish I had known how hard it is to repair broken relationships or crushed spirits that resulted from continuing activities beyond an optimal point.

What are your criteria for quitting activities?

Family, Parenting

Daily Faithfulness

August 2nd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

Her children rise up and call her blessed: … Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.

Proverbs 31:28-29
Mollie 1983

My step-grandmother—the Mollie who inspired my pseudonym—was born this day 120 years ago. This photograph shows her essence.

Mollie only went through fifth grade because she was needed at home to cook, clean, and watch siblings. She became a stepmother to three rowdy boys before she had her own daughter. One uncle repeatedly said she saved his life with her counsel and love.

My father and his brothers with Mollie (top left) c. 1936

My father took his last Navy paycheck to buy his mother an electric stove to replace her wood-burning one. She wept.

My father with Mollie

Mollie did not play with grandchildren, and she was too poor to buy presents. However, she gave us much more with her godly example and love and stories and laughter.

When my grandmother passed, there were so many orders for flowers that one local florist called a distant city for help. My favorite tribute?

Mollie never did anything big according to worldly standards. However, she did the small things daily, and daily faithfulness is harder.”

Decisions

A Skilled Quitter

August 1st, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

One son excels at knowing when to hold and when to fold. He described a high-altitude hike and said, “I decided it wasn’t my day to die. The terrain was becoming treacherous, and I was running out of air.” He told his companions he was quitting. He would wait for them at that spot for the hike back. He later learned that the trail required technical climbing skills and special equipment, both of which he did not have. The leaders had not realized the hike’s difficulty.

Later, my friends were talking about quitting and I said, “My son is a good quitter.” They laughed until I explained that I meant he was skilled at knowing when to stop.

Quitting doesn’t necessarily mean failing or losing or weakness. It can mean recognizing what isn’t working and having the courage to set a new, better goal.

During his hike, my son understood he wasn’t acclimated to the altitude or skilled for the terrain and changed course for the better. He substituted staying alive for reaching a mountain peak.

Along the way, I learned that I and my friends usually didn’t quit at the optimal time.

Do you need a new, better goal?