Author: Mollie T. Cox

God's Faithfulness, Stories I Share

A Mother To Many

May 13th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox
Great-Aunt Frances 1914-2010

My Great-Aunt Frances never married or had children. She broke one engagement after her fiancé caused a division in their church. At her mother’s request, she stopped dating a wonderful man who wanted to marry her. Her sickly mother wanted her last single daughter to remain at home.

I repeatedly told Aunt Frances that she didn’t marry because we all needed her. She not only mothered her nieces and younger brother but also the generation above and two generations below.

However, her greatest devotion was quitting her job to spend a decade caring for her mother with Alzheimer’s. Aunt Frances slept across the foot of my great-grandmother’s bed so she would wake if her mother needed her during the night.

I remember those difficult years during my childhood. Aunt Frances stayed cheerful and funny and always served a treat when we visited. She made my sons, her great-great nephews, sticky buns like the ones that she had made for me.

During that time, Aunt Frances completed multiple paint-by-numbers and doll kits. I own five of her paintings and two dolls.  Her skill was great, but those items are precious to me because they represent my aunt’s faithfulness.

Family, Friendship

Praying for Questions, Not Answers

May 6th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

Over a decade ago, I was in a difficult situation with friends working together in a ministry. One was hurt over a decision made by the overseers, but her response was to slander the group, especially me.

A friend on the outside was conflicted. Even after talking though the situation with me, she was still confused. I could only bring clarity by damaging the reputation of the offender—something I couldn’t do.

I began praying that the outsider would ask the right questions—questions that would lead her to the correct conclusion. And one Sunday she did. Even better, the answer only required a yes or no from me, not details. Problem solved.

That situation taught me the value of questioning—not only receiving questions but also praying for them.

Has a question ever helped your difficult situations?

Parenting

Favorite Child Day

April 29th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

One helpful piece of advice came too late. A good acquaintance with five children instituted Favorite Child Day. With five weekdays, there was a natural fit. When I told another friend, she said her three children could have two turns a week.

Favorite children are favorite children. They pick the read-aloud book or game. They have the bigger brownie. They sit in the front seat. They answer the phone. For our family, Favorite Child Day would have meant not answering the phone.

I think the biggest benefit would be to the parents. When accused “He’s the favorite,” they could answer, “Of, course. It’s Tuesday.”

You may have noticed that outsiders like to opine about favorite children in a family. Twice, outsiders have identified one son as our favorite. I understood their choice.

One day, my youngest and oldest agreed that my middle son was the favorite. I didn’t understand that choice. Middle children get squeezed. I went to my middle son’s room, announced the consensus of his brothers, and waited for his denial. After a thoughtful moment he said, “I guess I am the favorite.”

Have you been given an opportunity to discuss favorite child perceptions?

Decisions

The Word “No” (A Reader’s Response)

April 27th, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

My faithful friend Barb gave me permission to share her experience saying “No.”

“One time I listened to a CD on how to order your home. I listened to it with two friends. At one point they told us to stop the CD and practice saying No and we did. They suggested saying, ‘No, my plate is full.’

“Now I ask my husband to tell me ‘No’ so I can say ‘My husband said no.’ That has helped. But in 2021, I drove my dad and his wife up north from Florida. That caused me to be a horrible driver. I told my husband to remind me the following spring to say No and not offer to drive my dad back up north. My husband replied, ‘I told you not to do it this year.’  I just need to listen to my husband and do what he says.”

Decisions

The Word “No”

April 22nd, 2023
Mollie T. Cox

Multiple times, I have been told, “The word ‘No’ is a complete sentence.”

If so, why can’t I stop after I say “No?” Why do I talk myself into a “Yes” or follow my “No” with enough loopholes to allow others to turn my “No” into a “Yes?”

A walking buddy once said, “It’s in the 20s.” I offered to walk when the temperature rose. Another time Mary said, “I can’t walk the two-mile loop today.” I suggested our one-mile route. Weeks later, she said, “You never let me be lazy and accept my ‘No’ to walking.” As a literalist, I didn’t realize she was saying “No” to walking.

What am I learning? If I can’t stop at “No,” I should add, “No, that time is scheduled.” Or “No, I am not available.” That is true even if I plan to read or take a nap. A relative said his go-to is “That doesn’t work for me.”

Why is such a little word so hard to say? Guilt? “No” is not a bad word. Our “No” may give another person the opportunity to say “Yes.”

Are you able to say “No” by just using a “N” and an “O?”