Homeschooling, Parenting

Forgive Them

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32 ESV

At some point, we must acknowledge any grievances we have against our children and forgive them.

Forgive them for grumbling.

Forgive them for not trying.

Forgive them for not finishing their work.

Forgive them for forgetting what you thought they had mastered.

Forgive them for not practicing after begging for expensive music or art or dance or whatever lessons.

Forgive them for not liking the curriculum you took weeks to select.

Forgive them for not being independent learners—as if that was their fault.

Forgive them for not meeting the advertised parenting or homeschool expectations—as if that was their fault as well.

Forgive them for not being kind to their siblings.

Forgive them for wishing they had different parents.

Forgive them for all the other things you once held and might still hold against them.

At some point you pardon the people in your family for being stuck together in all their weirdness and when you can do that, you can learn to pardon anyone.

Anne Lamott
Book Recommendations, Parenting

Carry On, Mr. Bowditch

Twenty-six years ago, my husband’s co-worker recommended a fictionalized juvenile biography. Carry On, Mr. Bowditch by Jean Latham became an immediate favorite. I read it to our sons and insisted my husband read it during his bus ride to work.

As a child, Nathanial Bowditch constantly overcame obstacles pursuing an education. As an adult, he faced danger sailing internationally after the American Revolution.

However, I believe the life lessons flowing seamlessly from the narrative were the reasons for the book’s impact. Serving others, duty, self-directed learning, perseverance, perspective, the value of teaching, the non-academic benefits of education, and patience with people of different talents were learned, and later, modeled by Nathanial as he struggled from childhood through adulthood.

I’m just like a chair you stumble over in the dark,” Elizabeth said. “It isn’t the chair’s fault, but you kick it anyway.

Nat blinked. “What are you talking about?”

Your brain. It’s too fast. So you stumble on other people’s dumbness. And—you want to kick something.

But you shouldn’t because even if people are dumb, they aren’t chairs are they?”

… He always remembered how she said, “Your brain—it’s too fast.” He would bite back his impatience.

Carry On, Mr. Bowditch, Jean Latham

Any book recommendations?

Parenting

Make a Grievance Jar

Like a Worry Jar (See Here), a Grievance Jar is simply a jar containing grievances that have been written on a piece of paper. Some families have a set time for dealing with the jar’s contents—the end of each day or a set day of the week.

I used to think that listening to children’s complaints undermined parental authority. It was also unbiblical.  

Do all things without grumbling or disputing, that you may be blameless and innocent children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among who you shine as lights in the world.

Philippians 2:14-15 (ESV)

However, there is a significant difference between grumbling in anger and frustration and thoughtfully expressing a real or imagined wrong.

Along the way, I learned that understanding what my children considered to be unjust was a key to praying for them and helping their hearts. How could I solve a problem if it remained hidden?

Parents easily lose their children’s hearts in the older years. I wish I had developed a systematic way to address my sons’ grievances.

What about your own complaints?

Basics, Family, Parenting

War, Not Battles Pt.2

Be pitiful, for every man is fighting a hard battle.

Ian MacLaren, Zion’s Herald, January 26, 1898

Along the way, I learned that most people are fighting wars, not battles. What is the difference?

War involves a series of battles. War takes longer. War requires more resources. War has more setbacks. War causes more damage.

No matter the victor, war requires more repairs. War needs a longer recovery. War demands more time to process the experience.

I wish I had known I was fighting wars rather than battles. I would have been better prepared for both the fight and the aftermath.

Are you fighting or recovering?

Book Recommendations, Homeschooling, Memories, Parenting

Memory: Prime 1 and Prime 2

When I play a concentration game, why I do I remember the first card I turn over? Always.

Why does the first day of vacation stand out from the rest? Why do I remember my first child’s milestones better than his siblings? Or my first vegetable garden when I was newly married?

I learned the answer after my boys were in college. I discovered Summarization in Any Subject: 50 Techniques to Improve Student Learning by Rick Wormeli. 

Research proves that we remember best what we experience first, and we remember second best what we experience last—also known as Prime 1 and Prime 2. That is why pastors, teachers, and motivational speakers begin and end with memorable scripture passages or examples.

Along the way, I should have started and ended lessons with my major points. Even more, now I should begin and end my day with what is most important.

What is your Prime 1 and Prime 2?