100 Words

Planning Questions

November 8th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

One Christmas, I used some excellent planning advice. I asked each family member which minor Christmas tradition was most important. If I had to streamline, why remove a favorite?

After twenty-five years, I vividly remember one request—keep the candy dish. The Christmas before, I had filled a crystal wedding present with assorted wrapped candy. Nice candy. Each child was allowed to pick one piece a day during Advent. I had forgotten the candy dish and did not think its one appearance constituted a tradition. However, a small heart did.

To reduce Thanksgiving cooking, a friend asked her family which dishes meant the most. She received her answers, and advice. “Mom, we like the store-bought dressing better than your homemade. Serve that.”

For over a decade, I served a cranberry coffee cake Christmas morning. It was eaten without much comment. Two years ago, a son living in another state mentioned how much he loved it and couldn’t wait to taste it again. That reminded me to ask as well before making any menu changes.

Along the way I learned not to assume which food or traditions were important to my family.

Which questions might reduce your holiday busyness?

Money, Parenting

You Only Spend Money Once

November 1st, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

Saying “Better or best use of our dollars” instead of “We can’t afford it” helped our children understand spending choices. See Best Use of Our Dollars Here.

We also had another saying when the boys were very young.

When my sons were two, four, and five, my grandmother sent each a couple of dollars in the mail. At Toys R Us, the boys surveyed their choices.

One son chose two matchbox cars, each less than a dollar in 1992. However, his older brother chided, “You can’t buy two. You spend money one time.”

I was glad that my kindergartner understood that principle. I explained that his brother could spend his money once and have two cars.

Later we would occasionally say, “You only spend money one time.”

From the boys’ large collection circa 1988-1993

Have you coined any money sayings?

Decisions, Parenting

Decisions? Be Random

October 25th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

The lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders.
Proverbs 18:18 (ESV)

Uneven voting (Here) and taking surveys (Here) improved some parenting decisions. However, I found that versions of drawing straws or casting lots sometimes brought the best decision. Why would randomness do this?

Along the way, I learned that my sons didn’t care about the particular outcome of decisions as much as their bickering indicated. They simply wanted fairness. Did my choices show equal love or respect or whatever they wanted at that moment? Or did I show favoritism?

At Christmastime, we exchanged inexpensive stocking stuffers with extended family. However, in our case it was a decorated, brown grocery bag that was stuffed. As hosts, we were the bag decorators. My boys had favorite relatives, and every year, arguments ensued as to who would decorate certain bags.

One afternoon after I had recently re-read Proverbs 18:18, I tested the statement. I put the names of aunts, uncles and cousins in a jar and the boys drew their “lot.” Complaints ceased and peace reigned. I wish I had chosen that strategy years earlier.

How do you discern which sibling arguments are about favoritism?

Homeschooling

Tell Wisely

October 18th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

“I gave your lesson time to someone who needed it,” the boys’ music teacher told me. “You can come any time.”

“What?” I was shocked.

Homeschoolers like flexibility. I wish I had known that the more I told others we homeschooled, the more my flexibility was transferred from me to them.

Our original lessons were right after my sons’ afternoon phys ed class. Even better, the phys ed class was one third of the way to the music lessons. All went smoothly until the music teacher decided that because we were homeschoolers and therefore “flexible,” we would come Tuesday mornings when her other students were “in school.” This gave her flexibility.

We did our best to accommodate by listening to Spanish lessons or books on tape while I drove, but our school day was interrupted the remainder of the year. I could not reverse her decision, but I could be more savvy.

Not out of fear—but out of respect for my schedule—I became more circumspect about telling others we homeschooled. I wish I had known to do that sooner.

What are you reclaiming these days?

Homeschooling, Parenting

No one Is to Blame

October 11th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

We are sinners and live in a fallen world. However, I found it easy to forget that and blame myself or my children or even my husband for learning problems or lack of progress in my children.

The children were lazy. I bought the wrong curriculum. The homeschooling co-op was not a good match. My husband wasn’t helping. We needed to spend more time and money.

However, the only sin was assigning blame. Some, if not many, parenting or homeschooling struggles are because of living in a broken world.

I once listened to a powerful sermon on John 9.

Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
John 9:2 (ESV)

The premise of that culture was blindness was because of sin. We get what we deserve.

We parents also buy into that un-biblical notion. We may do our best and our children may do their best, and we don’t get the results that we think we deserve. Our abilities and theirs are limited.

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
John 9:3 (ESV)

What problems are you wrongly attributing?