Mollie T. Cox, Author at 100 Words

Wound Openers

June 13th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

We all carry wounds we are unaware of until they are bumped, or worse, smacked.

After a church acquaintance discovered that she and I shared a hometown, she innocently asked, “Did you attend Grimsley or Page?”

“Smith,” I said. A thirty-year-old wound opened, and I wondered what my face revealed.

The wound? One Sunday morning, my sister and I scoured the newspaper pages announcing new high school boundaries. We rejoiced to find our street assigned to Smith. My sister could return, and I could join her.

Hours later, a fellow middle schooler slunk into Sunday School lamenting, “I have to go to Smith instead of Grimsley or Page. Students at Smith are stupid and wear overalls and don’t own shoes and are excused to harvest crops… my life is doomed.”

My classmates commiserated. My teacher consoled. I kept quiet. I did comfort myself with my knowledge: shoes but no overalls, a modern mall under construction nearby but no farms.

I didn’t fully understand that I still bore the wound until asked “Grimsley or Page?” which implied, “Surely, not Smith.”

PS Patricia liked Smith, and we became good friends during Algebra 2.

Any wounds being opened?

Decisions, Homeschooling

Homeschool Peer Pressure

June 6th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

During decades of homeschooling and observing homeschoolers, I observed a cycle. We start by caring what non-homeschoolers think. Next, we bond with homeschoolers and arrive at a place where we don’t care what outsiders think. However, we care too much what other homeschoolers think—at times to the detriment of our family.

Homeschool peer pressure may keep us—or at least delay us—from taking a needed break from homeschooling, or abandoning a popular curriculum, or pulling out of group classes that do not meet our needs.

While being pressured to take advice from others, I came across a principle I still remember.

Decision-making belongs to the person who carries the responsibility for the consequences of the decision.

I needed that reminder.

During driver training, other drivers honked for our sons to turn right on red and into oncoming traffic. Honking encouraged other reckless driving. We told our sons, “It is your injury, and your regrets, and your court date, and our car, and our insurance premium if you have an accident. Not the person honking.”

Our family bore the serious consequences for our driving behavior, not hurried drivers. Therefore, our family made those decisions.

Anyone honking at you?

Parenting

Do You need a Mediator?

May 30th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

As our children age, their sharing with us shrinks, and our need to understand them grows. Misunderstandings mount from lack of communication. They want freedoms we aren’t ready to give, and resulting arguments weary us.

How do we break barriers and listen to each other? One son initiated a method that I later learned was common. He brought in his teddy bear as a mediator.

One evening, Teddy* came and said, “Grandperson, Bob* is upset with you?”

“Why?” I asked.

“He thinks you are unfair.”

“How am I unfair?”

The conversation continued as we patiently listened to each other.

Teddy, our mediator, had a disarming voice and a sweet way of saying Grandperson.

A friend tried this with her son and reported, “It works because you can’t fuss at a teddy bear, and it doesn’t fuss back.”

I shared my experience with another friend. “It is not a new trick,” she said, “but I am always amazed that it works.”

Was this a gimmick? I don’t think so. I think it was a way of breaking bad communication patterns. Variety helped us listen carefully because talking through a teddy bear was unpredictable. And fun.

*Pseudonyms.

What listening techniques have you explored?

Book Recommendations, Parenting

Guitar Notes by Mary Amato (Reprise)

May 23rd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

One of my favorite novels has characters who lie, sneak around, and steal. As their lives unfold, we learn their behavior is because they are angry, wounded teens who can’t communicate their pain.

Even though the writing is superb—actually I think it is brilliant at points—Guitar Notes by Amato would not be a favorite if the responsible adults were portrayed as the bad guys. Early in the book, the discerning reader knows that caring parents and teachers are doing what they think is best for the children—given their limited understanding.

Do not be deceived. Your children are carrying hidden pain because it is inescapable in this fallen world. It helps all to read and discuss books with messy relationships. However, I believe that the story’s resolution should not condone or reward bad behavior, or ridicule or punish good behavior. That is one of my tests for what is acceptable—not the honest, raw conflict along the way.

How have you set standards for your family’s reading?

Friendship

Be the First To Ask For Help

May 16th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I had three preschoolers. My nearby friend had more preschoolers. I was overwhelmed many times. She was overwhelmed most of the time. When I ran errands, I occasionally offered to include hers. She always declined.

One morning, I wanted mulch. Our house was for sale and potential buyers were coming that afternoon. Mulch would significantly improve our curb appeal, and I didn’t have the car that day.

During a quick morning phone conversation, my friend mentioned she was taking all—yes all—of her small children shopping at a garden center. At that moment, I realized I was desperate enough to ask her to bring me mulch. My friend drove up a couple hours later with three oversized bags, which I immediately spread under our azaleas.

More than mulch, she brought a new attitude. My future ofers to help were embraced. Why? I don’t know. Maybe my friend realized that adding her items to my cart would not impose. Whatever the reason, our friendship grew from my mulch request.

It didn’t stop there. Other friendships grew when I was vulnerable to ask for needed help.

Is it easy for you to request help?