Parenting | Page 20 of 24

Children Don’t Change Part 2

February 7th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I previously shared how “dog” and “bird” were among the earliest words of my eldest son. (See Hang A Bird Feeder Here.) His interest in dogs and birds never wavered.

Our dog, Tramp, may have been a birthday present for my middle son and slept with my youngest son, but my oldest showed the most concern. He was the only family member who once noticed Tramp had not eaten for more than a day and cooked delicacies to tempt his appetite. He alone stayed with Tramp when he had to be put down. He was our dog’s best friend.

No one cares for the birds in our back yard and woods like my eldest. He notices their first reappearances. He cautions me not to scare them with my camera clicks. He reminds me to hang our bird feeders during snows and the extreme cold, and then, keeps watch to make sure the feeders stay filled. Birds are safer because of him. We enjoy birds more because of him.

How little did we understand the significance of my son’s first words.

What unchangeableness can you praise?

Book Recommendations, Parenting

Habits Rule

January 3rd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I wish I had known The Power of Habit—not just the title of a book by Charles Duhigg but also a reality. Once formed, habits cannot be dropped. They stay in our basal ganglia—the center of our brain.

Habit retention is good news. Good habits are not easily lost: prayer, Bible study, brushing our teeth, exercising, the best way to drive a route.

Habit retention is bad news. Bad habits cannot be easily dropped: procrastination, gossip, tardiness, overeating.

How do we change habits if they are always in our brain? We replace them.

If I had understood the power of habit, I would have found and implemented good habits to replace the bad ones. I also would not have been as frustrated by habits that seemed impossible to break. I would have understood that bad habits were prepared to reappear.

Even more, I would have been more diligent about my children’s habit formation. “We can let this slide once because we are late,” I thought too many times. No, it is the start of a habit that will always be retained in my sons’ basal ganglia.

For more information see https://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/

Any habits need replacing?

Christmas, Parenting

Gingerbread: A Conversation Starter

December 6th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

I snatch the best ideas of others. One with unexpected results was giving gingerbread kits for Christmas. (For best results, wait until your youngest is at least ten unless your children work in pairs. Building requires skill and patience.)

Gathered around the kitchen table with busy hands, the boys cracked jokes, teased good-naturedly, and supplied us with joy we had not experienced recently. Our busyness and their reticence to share had increased as they aged.

We learned much about our sons. As their tongues loosened, unknown adventures were revealed. Two studied British Literature at a local private school. Ninety minutes of building and decorating gave us a semesters’ worth of funny stories. The two who shared an art history class entertained us by deliberately attributing erroneous architecture vocabulary to their houses.

What did our sons learn along the way? Aim for the most candy per inch of gingerbread so you have the greatest reward on Demolition Day. Demolition Day was an event itself with special china and hot tea to accompany our gingerbread gluttony.

We continued building and demolishing during the college years until family time was too scarce.

Has a Christmas tradition enhanced your family’s closeness?

Money, Parenting

You Only Spend Money Once

November 1st, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

Saying “Better or best use of our dollars” instead of “We can’t afford it” helped our children understand spending choices. See Best Use of Our Dollars Here.

We also had another saying when the boys were very young.

When my sons were two, four, and five, my grandmother sent each a couple of dollars in the mail. At Toys R Us, the boys surveyed their choices.

One son chose two matchbox cars, each less than a dollar in 1992. However, his older brother chided, “You can’t buy two. You spend money one time.”

I was glad that my kindergartner understood that principle. I explained that his brother could spend his money once and have two cars.

Later we would occasionally say, “You only spend money one time.”

From the boys’ large collection circa 1988-1993

Have you coined any money sayings?

Decisions, Parenting

Decisions? Be Random

October 25th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

The lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders.
Proverbs 18:18 (ESV)

Uneven voting (Here) and taking surveys (Here) improved some parenting decisions. However, I found that versions of drawing straws or casting lots sometimes brought the best decision. Why would randomness do this?

Along the way, I learned that my sons didn’t care about the particular outcome of decisions as much as their bickering indicated. They simply wanted fairness. Did my choices show equal love or respect or whatever they wanted at that moment? Or did I show favoritism?

At Christmastime, we exchanged inexpensive stocking stuffers with extended family. However, in our case it was a decorated, brown grocery bag that was stuffed. As hosts, we were the bag decorators. My boys had favorite relatives, and every year, arguments ensued as to who would decorate certain bags.

One afternoon after I had recently re-read Proverbs 18:18, I tested the statement. I put the names of aunts, uncles and cousins in a jar and the boys drew their “lot.” Complaints ceased and peace reigned. I wish I had chosen that strategy years earlier.

How do you discern which sibling arguments are about favoritism?