Parenting | Page 19 of 23

Mirarme, Look at Me

February 21st, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I had just boarded a boat to cross the Strait of Gibraltar, when I heard a preschooler holler “Mirarme! Mirarme!”

Although I had taken five years of Spanish classes, these were the first Spanish words I had immediately understood after two weeks in Spain.

I turned and saw two nearby adults whom I assumed were the girl’s parents and the object of her commands, “Look at me. Look at me.”

The young child wasn’t doing anything exceptional, just frolicking on the deck, but she wanted her parents to see and undoubtedly applaud.

When a college friend interviewed me for her sociology essay, I relayed this story.

That is what I needed to know,” she said. “What is universal across cultures? Children wanting their parents’ attention.”

Kay’s observation has stuck with me forty-four years. Children never lose their desire for you to pay attention to them.

What can you do when you don’t know what to do? When parenting or homeschooling seems too hard? Look at them and give attention.

It is the easiest to do and the hardest to remember.

Heading for the airport to fly to Madrid. My high school Spanish Club spent four weeks traveling though Spain, Portugal and Morocco.

Who is calling “Look at me?” Perhaps silently?

Parenting

Changing Children

February 10th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

Sometimes, the consistency of our children’s behavior and interests is something to celebrate. (See Children Don’t Change Part 2 Here) What do we do when it isn’t?

Along the way, I learned how little control mothers have at times. The power to change our children, especially their hearts, has not been granted.

The only father who can “fix” his children is God, and one way He does it is through the prayers of parents.

For years, I envied Moms-in-Prayer.* I wanted my own prayer team, but the logistics did not work for homeschoolers.

In 2013, I began meeting with two friends to pray for our adult children. When one moved, it became a twosome. I later gained a second prayer partner. When meeting was inconvenient, we prayed over the phone.

Our rules: Confidentiality. Pray privately and do not share the requests of others. I have prayed in my minivan to achieve this. Respect boundaries. Some of your child’s situations are too private to share.

Consider telling your children that your friends are praying for them. One son texted a concern followed by “Alert the prayer team.”

Who will join you in praying for your children?

*https://momsinprayer.org

Parenting

Children Don’t Change Part 2

February 7th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I previously shared how “dog” and “bird” were among the earliest words of my eldest son. (See Hang A Bird Feeder Here.) His interest in dogs and birds never wavered.

Our dog, Tramp, may have been a birthday present for my middle son and slept with my youngest son, but my oldest showed the most concern. He was the only family member who once noticed Tramp had not eaten for more than a day and cooked delicacies to tempt his appetite. He alone stayed with Tramp when he had to be put down. He was our dog’s best friend.

No one cares for the birds in our back yard and woods like my eldest. He notices their first reappearances. He cautions me not to scare them with my camera clicks. He reminds me to hang our bird feeders during snows and the extreme cold, and then, keeps watch to make sure the feeders stay filled. Birds are safer because of him. We enjoy birds more because of him.

How little did we understand the significance of my son’s first words.

What unchangeableness can you praise?

Book Recommendations, Parenting

Habits Rule

January 3rd, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I wish I had known The Power of Habit—not just the title of a book by Charles Duhigg but also a reality. Once formed, habits cannot be dropped. They stay in our basal ganglia—the center of our brain.

Habit retention is good news. Good habits are not easily lost: prayer, Bible study, brushing our teeth, exercising, the best way to drive a route.

Habit retention is bad news. Bad habits cannot be easily dropped: procrastination, gossip, tardiness, overeating.

How do we change habits if they are always in our brain? We replace them.

If I had understood the power of habit, I would have found and implemented good habits to replace the bad ones. I also would not have been as frustrated by habits that seemed impossible to break. I would have understood that bad habits were prepared to reappear.

Even more, I would have been more diligent about my children’s habit formation. “We can let this slide once because we are late,” I thought too many times. No, it is the start of a habit that will always be retained in my sons’ basal ganglia.

For more information see https://charlesduhigg.com/the-power-of-habit/

Any habits need replacing?

Christmas, Parenting

Gingerbread: A Conversation Starter

December 6th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

I snatch the best ideas of others. One with unexpected results was giving gingerbread kits for Christmas. (For best results, wait until your youngest is at least ten unless your children work in pairs. Building requires skill and patience.)

Gathered around the kitchen table with busy hands, the boys cracked jokes, teased good-naturedly, and supplied us with joy we had not experienced recently. Our busyness and their reticence to share had increased as they aged.

We learned much about our sons. As their tongues loosened, unknown adventures were revealed. Two studied British Literature at a local private school. Ninety minutes of building and decorating gave us a semesters’ worth of funny stories. The two who shared an art history class entertained us by deliberately attributing erroneous architecture vocabulary to their houses.

What did our sons learn along the way? Aim for the most candy per inch of gingerbread so you have the greatest reward on Demolition Day. Demolition Day was an event itself with special china and hot tea to accompany our gingerbread gluttony.

We continued building and demolishing during the college years until family time was too scarce.

Has a Christmas tradition enhanced your family’s closeness?