100 Words

Decisions? Be Random

October 25th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

The lot puts an end to quarrels and decides between powerful contenders.
Proverbs 18:18 (ESV)

Uneven voting (Here) and taking surveys (Here) improved some parenting decisions. However, I found that versions of drawing straws or casting lots sometimes brought the best decision. Why would randomness do this?

Along the way, I learned that my sons didn’t care about the particular outcome of decisions as much as their bickering indicated. They simply wanted fairness. Did my choices show equal love or respect or whatever they wanted at that moment? Or did I show favoritism?

At Christmastime, we exchanged inexpensive stocking stuffers with extended family. However, in our case it was a decorated, brown grocery bag that was stuffed. As hosts, we were the bag decorators. My boys had favorite relatives, and every year, arguments ensued as to who would decorate certain bags.

One afternoon after I had recently re-read Proverbs 18:18, I tested the statement. I put the names of aunts, uncles and cousins in a jar and the boys drew their “lot.” Complaints ceased and peace reigned. I wish I had chosen that strategy years earlier.

How do you discern which sibling arguments are about favoritism?

Homeschooling

Tell Wisely

October 18th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

“I gave your lesson time to someone who needed it,” the boys’ music teacher told me. “You can come any time.”

“What?” I was shocked.

Homeschoolers like flexibility. I wish I had known that the more I told others we homeschooled, the more my flexibility was transferred from me to them.

Our original lessons were right after my sons’ afternoon phys ed class. Even better, the phys ed class was one third of the way to the music lessons. All went smoothly until the music teacher decided that because we were homeschoolers and therefore “flexible,” we would come Tuesday mornings when her other students were “in school.” This gave her flexibility.

We did our best to accommodate by listening to Spanish lessons or books on tape while I drove, but our school day was interrupted the remainder of the year. I could not reverse her decision, but I could be more savvy.

Not out of fear—but out of respect for my schedule—I became more circumspect about telling others we homeschooled. I wish I had known to do that sooner.

What are you reclaiming these days?

Homeschooling, Parenting

No One Is to Blame

October 11th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

We are sinners and live in a fallen world. However, I found it easy to forget that and blame myself or my children or even my husband for learning problems or lack of progress in my children.

The children were lazy. I bought the wrong curriculum. The homeschooling co-op was not a good match. My husband wasn’t helping. We needed to spend more time and money.

However, the only sin was assigning blame. Some, if not many, parenting or homeschooling struggles are because of living in a broken world.

I once listened to a powerful sermon on John 9.

Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”
John 9:2 (ESV)

The premise of that culture was blindness was because of sin. We get what we deserve.

We parents also buy into that un-biblical notion. We may do our best and our children may do their best, and we don’t get the results that we think we deserve. Our abilities and theirs are limited.

“Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.
John 9:3 (ESV)

What problems are you wrongly attributing?

Parenting

Children Change

October 7th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

I worried and prayed and strove and sought advice and everything else with regard to traits in my children that concerned me. Nothing I did worked. But, one day, some problems disappeared. If I had known it would be so, I would have avoided the heartache for everyone by my striving.

I told this to a father of young children along with my other observation that some traits never change. See Children Don’t Change Here

How do you know which foibles children will outgrow if you leave them alone?” he asked.

“You don’t,” I said. “Just take comfort that sometimes—actually many times—it happens as they mature.”

Is there something that you need to let go and give some time?

When I approach a child, he inspires me in two sentiments—tenderness for what he is and respect for what he may become.
Louis Pasteur

Parenting

Children Don’t Change

October 4th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

An acquaintance said, “The way a baby nurses is the way he eats the rest of his life.”

I remembered, and it proved to be true for my family. My preemie nursed for an hour, and returned in two hours. He is still my slowest and most frequent eater. We say he grazes. Another son filled his baby tummy in minutes and was content for hours. As an adult, he is my quickest, best eater and snacks the least.

One son was only three when he studied—perhaps memorized—the dog pictures in the “D” encyclopedia. He read encyclopedias for fun when he was seven. He is our scholar.

When barely two, one son was inconsolable when we left a campground. The love of camping never left him and being outdoors is still a priority. Our silliest toddler is now known for his dry wit and entertains us much.

These observations can be both consoling and humbling. They were born that way—both the good and the frustrating—I sometimes remind myself.

Have you ever tried to change the unchangeable?

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:14 (ESV)