Friendship | Page 9 of 10

Wound Openers

June 13th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

We all carry wounds we are unaware of until they are bumped, or worse, smacked.

After a church acquaintance discovered that she and I shared a hometown, she innocently asked, “Did you attend Grimsley or Page?”

“Smith,” I said. A thirty-year-old wound opened, and I wondered what my face revealed.

The wound? One Sunday morning, my sister and I scoured the newspaper pages announcing new high school boundaries. We rejoiced to find our street assigned to Smith. My sister could return, and I could join her.

Hours later, a fellow middle schooler slunk into Sunday School lamenting, “I have to go to Smith instead of Grimsley or Page. Students at Smith are stupid and wear overalls and don’t own shoes and are excused to harvest crops… my life is doomed.”

My classmates commiserated. My teacher consoled. I kept quiet. I did comfort myself with my knowledge: shoes but no overalls, a modern mall under construction nearby but no farms.

I didn’t fully understand that I still bore the wound until asked “Grimsley or Page?” which implied, “Surely, not Smith.”

PS Patricia liked Smith, and we became good friends during Algebra 2.

Any wounds being opened?

Friendship

Be the First To Ask For Help

May 16th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

I had three preschoolers. My nearby friend had more preschoolers. I was overwhelmed many times. She was overwhelmed most of the time. When I ran errands, I occasionally offered to include hers. She always declined.

One morning, I wanted mulch. Our house was for sale and potential buyers were coming that afternoon. Mulch would significantly improve our curb appeal, and I didn’t have the car that day.

During a quick morning phone conversation, my friend mentioned she was taking all—yes all—of her small children shopping at a garden center. At that moment, I realized I was desperate enough to ask her to bring me mulch. My friend drove up a couple hours later with three oversized bags, which I immediately spread under our azaleas.

More than mulch, she brought a new attitude. My future ofers to help were embraced. Why? I don’t know. Maybe my friend realized that adding her items to my cart would not impose. Whatever the reason, our friendship grew from my mulch request.

It didn’t stop there. Other friendships grew when I was vulnerable to ask for needed help.

Is it easy for you to request help?

Friendship, Parenting

I Know You Already Know This

March 14th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

Decades ago, I volunteered to substitute in a preschool Sunday School class in our new town. Not only were my three boys preschoolers, but I also had taught the three-year-old class at our former church. I chafed while the lead teacher showed me the lesson and spoke as if I were ignorant about both teaching and preschoolers. I admit my attitude towards her became poor.

Five years later, my sister-in-law prefaced a conversation with “I know you already know this.” The strong statements that followed were not perceived as a lecture but as Sherry’s desire to discuss information about which I was knowledgeable.

I don’t remember whether I knew the facts and opinions Sherry stated, but I know I did think what a respectful, disarming way to start specific conversations. I immediately recollected the Sunday School lecture about teaching preschoolers and how different it might have been if the information had been prefaced with “I know you already know this, but…”

We do need refreshers and reminders and exhortations about what we already know. “I know you already know this” can be a respectful opening.

Thank you for being a reader of this blog about things “you already know.”

Decisions, Friendship

Trust Your Instinct

January 17th, 2021
Mollie T. Cox

A long-distance friend had a January birthday, and I wanted a gift that reflected her personality and tastes. I was stumped.

One December afternoon, I perused Christmas gift bags at JOANN Fabrics. One rack featured women in 1960’s outfits. The writing on one snowy scene declared, “Shopping in a Winter Wonderland.” Faye loved retro, snow, and shopping. I bought the bag. Now I needed the gift.

On the way to the car, I thought how Faye would love the bag even without a gift inside.

Go back and buy more of those gift bags for her birthday,” I thought. “She would love them all.”

I used the long checkout line as an excuse to dismiss my irrational thoughts. My friend would never judge a gift from me, but empty gift bags?

A week later, I was back at JOANN Fabrics and took the plunge. I mailed Faye an assortment of empty gift bags. Inside her birthday card, I warned that the birthday present was strange. Intrigued, Faye opened it early. She, her family, and her even friends loved my idea.

Want a perfect gift? Follow your instincts. Risk being wrong.

When has a friendship risk paid off?

Friendship, Parenting

Their Longings Not Yours (Reprise)

September 16th, 2020
Mollie T. Cox

Do not do unto others as you would that they do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same.
George Bernard Shaew

The quote above does not negate the Golden Rule found in Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount. It gives guidance. Love, acceptance, and respect look different to different people.

A friend showed me a wedding present that was different from her tastes and would never be used. We were amused by it. However, my friend’s perspective changed when the giver shared that the item was the one wedding gift she had longed for thirty years earlier but had not received.

Four summers later, I was pregnant with my first child. An acquaintance delivered her first child a month before me. During church announcements, we were urged to visit her that afternoon. My husband thought we should. I disagreed. Hours after delivery, I wouldn’t want a room full of close friends, certainly not acquaintances.

I was wrong. Lindy was disappointed we had not joined the crowd.

How do you discern?

Maybe raising children was just giving them the things you loved most in the world and hoping that they loved them too.
Kevin Wilson, Nothing to Look At