Author: Mollie T. Cox

Parenting

Limited Parenting, Unlimited Expectations

June 22nd, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Economics is the study of satisfying unlimited wants with limited resources.

Most Economics Textbooks

I’m an economist by nature and training, so why did it take years to realize that parenting is an economics problem—satisfying children’s unlimited wants with parents limited resources.

As a friend and I discussed our childhood hurts, we acknowledged that most were due to our parents’ limitations. They did not have the money, energy, training, or experiences to meet our childhood needs, wants, or expectations.

I have also long pondered how children’s expectations of parents have escalated over the decades. And I have lamented that family and community support have eroded. The result? The gap between children’s wants and parents’ resources has widened.

How did the analogy between parenting and the definition of economics help me? I gained perspective. I cannot completely satisfy my children any more than the production and allocation of goods can completely satisfy all consumers. However, I now have the vocabulary to explain this principle.

In which areas are you facing unlimited demands with limited resources?

Parenting

Learning to Rally

June 15th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Defeat doesn’t finish a man. Quit does. A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits.

Richard Nixon

One of the hardest things about parenting is that our children are not like us. Preferences and temperaments do not align, which can lead to gaps in training particular children.

For me, one training gap was rallying. It never occurred to me to teach my sons to come back from defeat. Growing up—with few exceptions—I rallied. I got back up. I got back out there. I didn’t have a choice. At least it felt that way, and so, I thought rebounding came naturally. And it did to some family members.

How do you teach your kids to rally? I don’t know because I didn’t. But, I wish I had known or at least learned it along the way.

Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.

Wimston Churchill

Which parenting gap caught you unawares?

Decisions, Parenting

They Didn’t Do It All*

June 8th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

In 1998, I flew to Tennessee to celebrate my precious grandmother’s 88th birthday. On the plane, I decided to ask a great-aunt how she juggled raising two daughters with church and community responsibilities. I don’t know why I chose Aunt Dottie. I liked her, but we were not close. Maybe because she was kind, cheerful, patient, modest, long-suffering, and—as an empty nester—she had started a successful home business.

Great-Aunt Dottie (2000)

Our only time alone was driving Aunt Dottie to pick up fish dinners for the family meal. I vividly remember the exit of the restaurant parking lot where I started the conversation. More intensely, I remember Aunt Dottie’s answer and what it provoked: vindication and regret.

I didn’t take on additional responsibilities. None of the mothers did. We didn’t expect that of each other until our children were older.

Great-Aunt Dottie

I had wrongly accepted the unrealistic expectations of others and myself. Women have come a long way since Aunt Dottie’s child-raising days, but we have also regressed. I wish I had asked sooner.

Do you have an untapped source for advice?

*Edited and republished for the fourth anniversary of 100words.

Decisions

Goals: Wishing, Practical, and Backup*

June 1st, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

You are never too old to set a new goal or to dream a new dream.

C.S. Lewis

My sons had graduated both high school and college, when I heard thoughtful, helpful advice about goals.  A cousin’s college goals were too ambitious, but we never want to discourage others’ dreams, do we? God can make them happen if it’s his will.

My cousin’s guidance counselor told her to have three college goals: a wishing goal, a practical goal, and a backup goal.  The vocabulary reflected reality, not judgment. Wishing should be encouraged. Practical is important. A backup means you have planned well.

Thinking about wishing, practical, and backup goals showed me another truth. Wishes can soar higher when you have two nets to catch you: practical and backup. While raising children, I wish I had known this excellent way to encourage our collective and individual dreams, and yet, ground our hopes.

In 2013, I fulfilled the wishing goal of visiting Alaska. This photo was taken while I was closest to Mt. Denali, North America’s highest point.

Any new wishing goals while considering practical and back-up ones?

*Edited and republished for the fourth anniversary of 100words.

Relationships

The Whole Truth

May 25th, 2024
Mollie T. Cox

Do you solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Oath for Sworn Testimony

I never thought deeply about what it meant to tell the whole truth until I heard a song from the movie A Man Called Otto.

I will tell you the whole truth … There is so much I want you to know.

Til You’re Home, Rita Wilson

There is so much I want people to know so why don’t I tell the whole truth? The more I have thought about it, I usually withhold the whole truth because I’m protecting others—both the guilty and my listeners. I have wondered if women are wired to protect others or if we’ve been taught.

A woman once said that she had been urged to seek counsel and to “not protect anyone.” I found that profound.

You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.

Anne Lamott, Bird By Bird

Truth is hard. I don’t take it lightly when people tell me their truth, even if it’s not the whole truth.

Telling? Protecting?