Category: Relationships

Comparison is the death of joy.

Mark Twain

For years, I have disliked words ending in “est.” Why?

Those words masqueraded as a fact when they were an opinion.

Those words marginalized me and my friends and probably you—especially the word “hardest.” Especially when “hardest” was combined with “parenting.”

“Parents have the hardest job in the world.” What about childless couples dealing with crushed dreams?

“Single moms have the hardest job in the world.” What about married moms with abusive husbands?

“Parents of toddlers have the hardest job in the world.” What about parents of teenagers whom are succumbing to cultural dangers?

“Parents of teenagers have the hardest job in the world.” What about sleep-deprived parents of infants. Or parents of struggling adults?

You’ve heard it. And why do we add “in the world.” I don’t know. Do you?

Once thing I learned along the way is that all people “have it hard,” and all stages of parenting seem the hardest. However, I do not wish I had known that fact. Believing the myth that parenting would become easier was comforting.

 

 

As you consider those who have wronged you, let Jesus be angry on your behalf. His anger can be trusted.

Dane C.  Ortland, Gentle and Lowly

I texted this quote to a friend who is angry. She has righteous anger regarding evil done to her. I thought Ortland’s words would help.

One evening—after realizing I was angry with a person who had been rude and careless with things I hold dear—I realized that quote applied to me. I had thought I was annoyed, but now I had to deal with my newfound anger. I thought of being on guard. I thought of practical steps I should take in this relationship. And then, I saw my text on my phone screen. 

The most helpful plan was to allow Christ to be angry on my behalf—to trust his anger and remedy. Only he had the perfect solution. My responsibility was not negated, but I no longer carried a burden.

For you are still of the flesh. For while there is jealousy and strife among you, are you not of the flesh and behaving only in a human way?

1 Corinthians 3:3 (ESV)

How have I dealt with jealousy? Sometimes well and sometimes not.

Let’s start with the not. I had something someone wanted. A gift from God. An older, godly woman advised me to apologize. Apologize? For something I had been given? I talked with my husband, and he agreed that it didn’t seem right to accommodate jealousy with an apology.

In retrospect, although I was sympathetic, I never specifically said I was sorry the other person didn’t have what I did.

A soft answer turns away wrath…

Proverbs 15:1a (ESV)

Decades later, for excellent reasons, I was given an heirloom that another wanted. Very much. By then, I was more savvy concerning jealousy and knew the heirloom would be a forever barrier. I wanted my relationship more, and so, I gave the heirloom to another relative, who met the requirements of the giver.

Another time, I confronted the person and later cried. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that coping with another’s jealousy is hard.

Wrath is cruel, anger is overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?

Proverbs 27:4 (ESV)

One thing I wish I had known was the power of jealousy. Who can stand before jealousy? Along the way, I learned that the answer is “No one.”

I have had two people jealous of me—that I am aware of. For years, I did not stand.

Thankfully, the LORD rescued me. One woman acknowledged her sin and its effects on my family. Then, she apologized.

The Lord is my light and salvation; Whom shall I fear?

Psalm 27:1a (ESV)

Proverbs 6:34 explains why we cannot stand alone against jealousy.

For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge.

Proverbs 6:34 (ESV)

My family—especially my children—have the lingering effects of the revenge of these two people.

… jealousy is as fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD.

Song of Solomon 8:6B (ESV)

I was blindsided because meek, seeming loving people flashed like fire behind my back when their jealousy was aroused.

I wish I had been on guard and able to extinguish their jealousy.